The Xiaolin User's Guide
by Shanequa
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a LE MIME. To be sure that he is a happy freakish mime with mental issues, read these instructions and follow them very carefully...
1. Omi

A/N: I've seen things like this in other generes, and just couldn't let Xiaolin Showdown go without one of these fics too. This was kind of inspired by Enjie Yekcam's Tokyo Mew Mew fic, which is in this same format... But there are many others out there as well, Enjie's is just the first one I saw.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. I wish I did. I also wish I had a JACK or CHASE doll, or maybe a GOOD!JACK to attack those who annoy me.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an OMI. To be sure that he is a happy little monk, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Omi

Element:Water

Height: Short

Weight: He was too fascinated by the scale itself to notice the number on it...

**Putting Your OMI Together**

You should have a small cardboard box. Do not freak out; your OMI is just fine.

1) Open the box.

2) If your OMI is sleeping, wake him up. (Chattering like a squirrel almost always works. Do not use a real squirrel, OMI is very scared of them.)

3) Start giving your OMI compliments. Generally one or two do the trick.

4) OMI will become happy and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New OMI Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new OMI! He comes with many things to keep him entertained when you don't want to train with him. Your OMI comes with:

1) Orb Of Tornami (We are not responsible for any flood damage resulting from letting your OMI use this.)

2) Shimo Staff (We are not responsible for damage by this Shen Gon Wu either.)

3) Extra sets of Xiaolin monk robes

4) A variety of sashes to match the robes

5) His favorite book to quote from: "The Ancient Guide Of Females". (Do not let him read this near KIMIKO, or there will be damage.)

**Cool Things That Your OMI Can Do**

Training: Your new OMI is very good at fighting and will train you.

Sparring: If you already have fighting skills, OMI will spar with you and help you improve. (WARNING: OMI is very good at fighting, so please don't spar unless you actually have said "skills".)

Ego Boosting: OMI is very good at boosting his own ego, why not yours? (We are not responsible if OMI unintentionally insults you.)

Chore-helping: He can use his skills to clean your room! (Which may or may not wind up as messy and wet as it started off...)

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE. They are friends, remember?

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE. RAIMUNDO is of a higher rank than OMI, and they are friends. (Though RAIMUNDO and OMI will occasionally compete over KIMIKO.)

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE. They are friends. Duh.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE as long as OMI doesn't worship DASHI too much. If this happens, make OMI stop before it becomes too annoying...

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE. JACK is very much the enemy of OMI, though OMI trusts him. Sort of. Well, kind of not...

**CHASE**: We aren't sure, really. It depends on your preference; they have sort of this mutual respect thing going on. Lots of people like to put them as a slash pairing.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. Duh, she's pure evil. Everyone knows that.

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE for the same reason as WUYA.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My OMI seems to be hanging around with CHASE a bit too much. I think my OMI (gulp) is crushing on CHASE... _Please_ tell me how to fix this!"

A: Were you not listening to me?! If you don't like the pairing, then don't just- ugh, never mind. Just separate them for a while, use the Sands Of Time/ Rio Reverso to reverse it, or give them to someone who likes to pair CHASE with OMI. Or (this is my favorite!) you can lock CHASE and WUYA in a closet/metal cage/puzzle box for a while... (We aren't responsible for any physical or mental damage caused by the last suggestion...)

Q: "OMI is acting odd. He is really hyper, wants to fight, wears a black robe, and says "Heylin" instead of "Xiaolin" before his attacks. What's wrong with him?"

A: Oh, my. Your OMI must have had his chi drained. To fix this, obtain the Yin-Yang Yo-Yo and go into the Yin-Yang world to get it back. You must have both Wu or you will turn out like OMI is right now, or even like a GOOD!JACK. Scary. Also, watch out for the monster that sucks people's chi out. I hear that it is very painful to get chi sucked, and you act like a zombie from then after. Well, good luck on the impossible adventure that will most probably get you killed! (waves)

Q: "My OMI's skin isn't yellow, and his head isn't as big. What's going on?"

A: Your OMI is sick. Take him to an Author(ess) to get him fixed. Unless you are an Author(ess) yourself, in which case you can fix him on your own.

**Warranty**:

This declares that you can return OMI within the first ten seconds of buying him online.

* * *

A/N: This was really FUN to write. I hope it was fun to read as well.  
Kimiko is next. If you have any suggestions, please review or PM me! (Also, I'll have to make up questions on my own unless you suggest some. Hint, hint.) 

-Nikki


	2. Kimiko

A/N: Sorry I didn't update sooner. Fanfic, for some odd reason, would not let me upload stuff. But then I came across a forum, and found out a little trick. It turns out that all you have to do is export one of your files, go to "edit", delete the old text, and paste the text from a different story in. So in case anyone was having the same problem (it's happening to lots of people), that's how to upload something.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. I wish I did. I also wish I had a GOOD!JACK doll to attack my math teacher who just kicked me off of 'A' honor roll.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a KIMIKO. To be sure that she is a happy little monk, follow these instructions very carefully.**

**  
**

**Information:**

**  
**

Name: KIMIKO

Element: Fire

Height: A little taller than OMI, but shorter than the other monks

Weight: I'd love to tell you, but my KIMIKO would kill me...

**  
**

**Putting Your KIMIKO Together**

**  
**

You should have a small cardboard box. Do not freak out; your KIMIKO is just fine. She's probably just sleeping or playing a game.

1) Open the box.

2) Place a PDA outside of the box.

3) If she does not emerge, your KIMIKO might need to be woken up. Scream high-pitched bloody murder like JACK might, and KIMIKO will most likely emerge in hopes of kicking his butt.

4) KIMIKO will pick up the PDA and play some games on it. KIMIKO will become content. She will then associate you with OWNER. (Note: If this doesn't work, try giving her a credit card. Be sure that it is under her name and not yours, or you will have many, many bills to pay...)

**  
**

**Cool Things That Your New KIMIKO Comes With:**

**  
**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new KIMIKO! Unless you give her a credit card, that is, in which case either cancel it or start saving... She comes with many things to keep her entertained when you don't want to play video games with her. Your KIMIKO comes with:

1) Hair accessories and dye

2) A large bag of Arrow Sparrows (We are not responsible for damage caused by this Shen Gon Wu.)

3) Many, many outfits

4) A laptop and PDA (If one of these breaks, you _must_ get your KIMIKO a new one. She cannot function without them!)

5) Cell phone, which she will talk on endlessly.

6) Makeup

**  
**

**Cool Things That Your KINIKO Can Do:**

**  
**

Tech Help: Because her father owns a giant toy company, she is surrounded by oodles of tech. She can help you with anything.

Kicking Butt: If your KIMIKO is angry enough, she will attack. She will make Tyler pay for stealing your snack...

Anger Management: Seeing as she's not good with this herself, this may or may not work.

**  
**

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS:**

**  
**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE, as long as there are no copies of "Ancient Guide To Females" in sight. Some people like to pair them up.

**RAIMUNDO**: _VERY COMPATIBLE!!!!!!_ They luffs each other... according to oodles of people... including me...

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE, but I've seen about one fic with this pairing... And they were in an alternate universe...

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, maybe, except they've never really met before...

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE. He likes her and flirts (sometimes). Lots of people like to pair them up, but lots of girls would rather just have JACK all to themselves.

**CHASE**: Some people pair them, so I'm guessing COMPATIBLE.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. At all. She drew RAIMUNDO to the Heylin side, and that's enough hatred to go around.

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. The thought of them even being remotely friendly scares most people.

**  
**

**FAQ:**

**  
**

Q: "My KIMIKO's hair is black all the time now. What's wrong with her?"

A: She ran out of hair dye. Buy some at the store or order some from our catalog.

Q: "KIMIKO is non-responsive. She will not move, cries all the time, and looks very goth-emo."

A: Your KIMIKO cannot function without her PDA or laptop. See if those need fixing. Either that, or JACK has lured her to the Heylin side.

Q: "KIMIKO is overly cheery and peppy, doesn't yell at OMI when he quotes from the "Ancient Guide To Females", and has started calling JACK "hunky". What's _wrong_ with her?"

A: Your KIMIKO has been replaced by the Chameleon Bot. Unless you like JACK and KIMIKO as a couple, I suggest that you get to JACK's lair right away before he starts flirting with her.

**  
**

**Warranty:**

This declares that you can return KIMIKO negative ten seconds after you open the package.

* * *

A/N: I love this fic so much. Thank you all for reviewing! (hands out cookies)  
Raimundo is next. If you have any suggestions, please review or PM me! If you have any questions about past CHARACTERS, I'm thinking I'll make an entirely new chapter for "Other FAQs", so it's not too late. (grins)

-Nikki


	3. Raimundo

Wohoo, lets me upload stuffs again! (cheers) So I'm doing RAIMUNDO this time... Wohoo! Thankies to all of you reviewers out there! (waves)

Disclaimer: I really wish I owned XLS, but I don't... Boo hoo... I also want a JACK... And a KIMIKO and RAIMUNDO to lock up in a closet...

* * *

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a RAIMUNDO. To be sure that he is a happy little monk, follow these instructions very carefully. 

**Information**

Name: RAIMUNDO

Element: Wind

Height: About five feet or the stratosphere, whichever works for you.

Weight: Is he flying or not? Depends...

**Putting Your RAIMUNDO Together**

You should have a small cardboard box. Do not freak out; your RAIMUNDO is just fine. He's probably thinking of a new prank to play on someone.

1) Open the box.

2) Place a SURFBOARD and an OCEAN (sold separately) outside of the box.

3) Wait for RAIMUNDO to come out. When he does, he will grab the board and begin surfing.

4) RAIMUNDO will become content and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New RAIMUNDO Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new RAIMUNDO! She comes with many things to keep her entertained when you don't want to take him to the beach. Your RAIMUNDO comes with:

1) Prank Book

2) Sword of the Storm (We are not responsible for damage caused by this Shen Gon Wu.)

3) Blade of the Nebula (We aren't responsible for damage by this, either...)

4) Surfboard

5) "Ninja Fred" (We suggest that you do not mock him because he sleeps with a teddy bear...)

6) Soccer ball

7) Medallion

**Cool Things That Your RAIMUNDO Can Do**

Surfing Lessons: He loves to surf. I'd bet he'd teach you...

Soccer Player: He actually wants a World Cup team, but your little league team works for now...

Prankster: He loves pranks, so if you're annoyed at your teacher for giving you too much homework...

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE, as long as OMI doesn't act too egoistical or steal KIMIKO.

**KIMIKO**: _VERY COMPATIBLE!!!!!!_ They luffs each other... according to oodles of people... including me...

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE. They're good friends.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, I guess... But they've never met...

**JACK**: Eh, they don't like each other very much, but some people like to pair them...

**CHASE**: NOT COMPATIBLE. This is self-explanatory.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. She drew RAIMUNDO to the Heylin side, he put her in a puzzle box...

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. HANNIBAL wants revenge...

**FAQ**:

Q: "My RAIMUNDO is hanging around KIMIKO too much..."

A: Eh, he loves her. Use the Sands of Time to alter history so that it never happens... Or pair them up, either way.

Q: "RAIMUNDO has his sweatshirt hood up all the time... What's going on?"

A: RAIMUNDO is on the Heylin side now. Trap WUYA in a magical puzzle box to make him snap out of it.

Q: "This is really disturbing... RAIMUNDO is babbling about absolutely nothing and has started washing CHASE's underwear. What's gotten into him?"

A: This is not an affair of "what's gotten into him", but what's gotten out. He's been drained of his chi by the Chi Monster. Get him some new chi or venture into the Yin-Yang World, out of which you may not come in one piece. Choice is yours.

**Warranty**:

This declares that you can return RAIMUNDO five minutes before you decide to order him.

* * *

Other Questions

Q: I bought a KIMIKO and all she wants to do is play my games. When ever I try to get her off so I can play she attacks me. What is wrong with my KIMIKO?  
A: Your KIMIKO is addicted to the computer. (I also have this disorder, though not in such a severe form.) Let her play until she collapses from exhaustion, then trap her using the Sphere of Yun. Keep her there until she becomes un-addicted.

Q: My KIMIKO won't stop talking about RAIMUNDO...  
A: They fell in love. Deal with it or see earlier reference in the manual.

Q: There is something wrong with my OMI. He keeps trying to run away from me. I am not sure why, I think it is because of a talking squirrel. I tried to tie him down and forcefully try and make him like it, but that didn't work...  
A: OMI is deathly afraid of squirrrels. Unless they come up with a cure for all phobias, your OMI will continue to flee.

* * *

Ok, I was going to do CLAY next, but someone wants me to do JACK. And, because JACK is awesome and there's no reason not to, I'm gonna write JACK's chapter next. (grin) 

I want a JACK...

-Nikki


	4. Jack

Hi, all! (waves like a maniac) This is JACK's chapter, all out-of-order, but oh well. Also, I'm sorry for accidentally calling Rai a girl... I kind of don't have an excuse...

Disclaimer: Oh how I wish I owned this show... But I don't... (huggles her new JACK)

* * *

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a JACK. To be sure that he is a happy little evil boy genius, follow these instructions carefully. 

**Information**

Name: JACK SPICER, (insert evil name of the day here, such as EVIL PRINCE OF DARKNESS or EVIL BOY GENIUS. Must contain the word "EVIL".)

Element: None

Height: Just tall enough to get smashed by the door to Chase Young's Lair™.

Weight: How many broken robots are piled on top of him at the moment?

**Putting Your JACK Together**

You should have a small cardboard box. Do not freak out; your JACK is just fine. He's probably plotting or designing a new Jackbot.

1) Open the box.

2) Place a wrench and robot parts outside the box.

3) If your JACK doesn't emerge, put a CHASE beside the tools. Bound and gag CHASE if needed.

4) JACK will come out of the box and either glomp CHASE or make the Jackbot he was designing.

5) Your new JACK will become content and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New JACK Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new JACK! He comes with many things to keep her- oh, excuse me, him- entertained when you don't want to go with him to get his butt kicked by the Dragons. Your JACK comes with:

1) Chase doll to squeeze to death

2) Endless Supply Of Jackbots

3) Tools and robot parts to make the Endless Supply Of Jackbots listed above

4) Hoverpack

5) Makeup (He cannot survive without this! He will become more depressed than usual if this runs out!)

6) Monkey Staff (We aren't responsible for damage or fleas.)

7) Shen Gong Wu "Cheat Sheet"

**Cool Things That Your JACK Can Do**

Tutor: JACK claims to be a genius, but until we're sure how low his IQ actually is, this may not be such a good idea...

Mechanic: If he can build complicated robots, he can certainly fix your car. We hope.

Comic Relief: Sic the Xiaolin Dragons at him for hilarious results.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE as long as he doesn't get too flirty with her.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE. RAIMUNDO has a tendency to steal KIMIKO.

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE. He locked WUYA in the puzzle box.

**GOOD!JACK**: COMPATIBLE. He loves himself...

**CHASE**: COMPATIBLE as allies at the least. As JACK puts it, "He's, like, my all-time favorite evil hero! (fangirl-ish squeal)".

**WUYA**: COMPATIBLE. She was his ally in the first season. I kind of like them as a couple...

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: COMPATIBLE. "Hannibal bean? He's my other all-time favorite evil hero!" No fangirl squeal for HANNIBAL, though... That's reserved for CHASE.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My JACK is acting weird. He's wearing really preppy clothes and his hair is slicked back. He also dances around and sings. What's wrong?"

A: Your JACK has been replaced by a GOOD!JACK. It's limited edition! Otherwise, GOOD!JACK extremely annoying and should be returned or locked in a cage at all times.

Q: "My new JACK has this really annoying girlish scream. Is he sick?"

A: Actually, that's normal for him. If he's hurting your ears, take away whatever is scaring him. Gag him if necessary.

Q: "JACK is flirting with CHASE. So he got thrown off a cliff and is acting all emo. (I found blood on my razor this morning. (shudder)) How do I fix this?"

A: If you own a CHASE, force him to form an evil alliance with JACK under the condition that JACK stops flirting. This should solve the problem without injury of JACK or CHASE. Be sure that WUYA does not get jealous of JACK, however, as this could lead to serious consequences. Because there's a slight (cough-not-so-slight-cough) chance that WUYA likes CHASE. A lot.

**Warranty**:

This says that you can return JACK only if you accidentally receive a GOOD!JACK, in which case you will be given a new JACK and the GOOD!JACK shall be disposed of in a similar manner to radioactive waste.

* * *

Other FAQs

Q: "The Raimundo I bought keeps pulling pranks on me. Why and what should I do?" 

A: Why: Because he's RAIMUNDO. This is a sure sign that he is happy and healthy- good job taking care of him. What you should do: Focus his prank-pulling attention on someone else, like your little brother or sister. (evil grin) 

Q: "I bought a KIMIKO and all she does is talk on her phone. When I try to talk to her, I end up leaving the room with a third-degree burn. What do I do?" 

A: First of all, get a fire-proof suit like firefighters use. Just in case. Then, knock KIMIKO out somehow. Destroy the cell phone and erase the memory of her ever having one. Another solution to your problem is to make her start paying the phone bill. This is proven to work in most given situations, as the phone bill is quite high. 

Q: "RAIMUNDO is getting a little... well... naughty with KIMIKO... The love kind of naughty... HELP! WHAT DO I DO! DISTURBING IMAGES!" 

A: Depends on what you mean... Try walking in on them. Try wearing sunglasses and closing your eyes if you don't want to be scarred for life. This is also a good blackmail oppurtunity. Take pictures from a secluded corner and threaten to send them to the press if they don't stop. Taunt them. If all else fails, send KIMIKO to a nunnery for the rest fo her life.

* * *

Well, that was JACK's chapter! (fangirl squeal) Clay's up next... Reviews are good! 

-Nikki ♪ (Yep, I has a cool symbol now!) 


	5. Clay

Hiya! (waves like a maniac) I'm _special_, who're you?  
Yes, Nikki is sugar-high. She got that burst of energy needed to finish up the CLAY chapter. She'll stop speaking in third person now. Wohoo! (dances)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even a JACK...

* * *

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a CLAY. To be sure that he is a happy little monk, follow these instructions carefully. 

**Information**

Name: CLAY

Element: Earth

Height: The tallest of the Xiaolin Dragons

Weight: Very heavy

**Putting Your CLAY Together**

You should have a small cardboard box. Do not freak out; your CLAY is just fine. He's probably carving something out of wood or eating.

1) Open the box.

2) Put food outside the box.

3) CLAY will immediately emerge and eat.

4) Your CLAY will become content and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New CLAY Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new CLAY! He comes with many things to keep him entertained when you don't want to give him food or take him to Texas. Your CLAY comes with:

1) Wood carving set

2) Big Bang Meteorang (Note that you can't sue us for damages.)

3) Cowboy hat (do not damage under any circumstances!)

4) Lots and lots of food

**Cool Things That Your CLAY Can Do**

Trick-rope: He's very good at anything cowboy-themed, in fact...

Food testing: Ask him if your burnt cookies taste good. He'll eat them all anyways...

Poem-writing: Although those metaphors and similes can get annoying, they fit into poems just fine.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE as friends.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE as long as he doesn't "abuse the English language" too much.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE as friends.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, I guess, though they haven't met...

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CHASE**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. She's the only girl he'll attack.

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**FAQ**:

Q: "CLAY has a really crooked smile and weird eyes, and he's evil now. What's wrong?"

A: Your CLAY has been possessed by Sinibi, a weird freakish bug-thing that looks like a spider and talks. Make sure Sinibi doesn't get the Monarch Wings. When he tries to get the Wings, beat CLAY up until he's knocked out. Sinibi should un-possess CLAY and KIMIKO should lock Sinibi back in the Mosaic thingy it came from.

Q: "My CLAY is using too many metaphors. How do I get him to stop?"

A: He's always like that. If you really want him to stop, get a KIMIKO to whack him over the head every time he starts to use one.

Q: "CLAY is chasing RAIMUNDO around and trying to kill him. Is this normal?"

A: RAIMUNDO has probably done something to CLAY's hat. Fix the hat and CLAY will chill. If that doesn't work, try freezing him in a block of ice with the Orb Of Tornami until he calms down.

**Warranty**:

This says that you can return CLAY only if he falls off a cliff twice, does a split, and is run over by a herd of orange and pink polka-dotted cows form Mars.

* * *

Other FAQ  


Q: "My JACK doll won't stop talking about RAIMUNDO! He even stopped building Jack bots! All I hear about is RAIMUNDO! What do I do? HELP!!"  
A: Oh, he's aquired a small crush on RAIMUNDO. Don't know how it happened, but you can probably fix it by focusing JACK's attention on something else, such as CHASE. Note that you may have to "convince" CHASE to form an evil alliance (Use blackmail- having pictures of him and WUYA making out generally work.) with JACK.

Q: "The JACK I bought has built some robots that look like the Xiaolin Dragons. He bows down to them at some alter he built. Why and how do I fix him?"  
A: Your JACK hasn't had his butt kicked recently, has he? I think he misses the Dragons too much. Take him to see the real ones. That should fix it, though you may have to fix your JACK after the encounter... But if he's using them as vodoo dolls, you have naught to worry about.

* * *

A/N: Ok, I'm off the sugar high now. That's actually normal for me. When I'm depressed, I act like the world's version of normal... My version of depression includes skipping, laughing, and clapping of hands while singing something along the lines of, "I'm depressed, I'm depressed, I'm so happy that I'm depressed..." And this is going on forever so I'm shutting up now. (grin) 

Thank you, everyone, for reviewing! (gives you all cookies) DASHI is up next...  
Bye, for now... (suddenly grins insanely big and waves like a maniac)

-Nikki **♪**


	6. Dashi

A/N: (creepyvoice) I'm BAAAAAAACK! (/creepyvoice) I'm okay. I have the Credits Song stuck in my head right now. It's awesome. Yep, it is. (hums) I have also become attached to adding "-kun" to the end of any poor random cartoon-bishounen-manga guy I may be a rabid fangirl of. (sets up various pictures of Chase-kun, Jack-kun, and Kish-kun) Yeah, Kish-kun is from Tokyo Mew Mew, my favorite manga series. I hate what 4Kids did to it when they dubbed it, though... Seriously, who names a dremy alien dude with multiple fangirls (Kish-kun) "Dren"? That's "nerd" spelled backwards! I mean, come on! He'd flunk out of kintergarten for harassing young children! (rants)

Disclaimer: I don't even own a Jack-kun... (sob) But I do have a picture of him! (stares and drools and wonders why she's so obsessed)

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a DASHI. To be sure that he is a happy Xiaolin Dragon, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Dashi

Element: Water

Height: Pretty tall

Weight: The record of that was lost long ago...

**Putting Your DASHI Together**

You should have a time-travelling Shen Gon Wu.

1) Travel back to DASHI's era.

2) Grab DASHI and leave. (Note: We are not responsible for any issues with the space-time continum. WUYA may rule the world when you return.)

3) Seal WUYA in a Magical Puzzle Box (patent pending), sold seperately, if she does rule the world when you return.

4) DASHI should become idolized all around the world. Protect him from fanpeople. (We are not responsible for injury at this point.)

5) DASHI will have no choice but to stay with you, or he will be drowned in fans.

**Cool Things That Your New DASHI Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new DASHI! He comes with many things to keep him entertained when you don't want to lock WUYA in a puzzle box. Your DASHI comes with:

1) Various Shen Gon Wu to stash away in various places

2) Dojo (to hide and track the Wu)

3) Puzzle box

**Cool Things That Your DASHI Can Do**

Training: Your new DASHI is better at training than even OMI...

Laziness: Sure, he upholds justice, but he can be way too lazy sometimes...

Locking WUYA in Little Magic Puzzle Boxes: This is getting repetitive, ain't it? Yeah, it's what he does for a living. (This is really helpful if you lock her in there with the person you want to pair her up with. "Oh, Chase, Wuya, could you two come over here for a second? I have a suprise... Hehe...")

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE. They've met before, and were kind-of-sort-of friends... Until DASHI magically dissapeared and left OMI to meditate for 1500 years...

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE. They're both Xiaolin, but they've never really met before...

**RAIMUNDO**: See KIMIKO.

**CLAY**: See KIMIKO.

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They've never met...

**CHASE**: Depends on whether it's Good CHASE or Bad CHASE. If it's Good CHASE, then no duh they're COMPATIBLE!

**WUYA**: Depends on whether you like the pairing or not, really... (She did say he was a "smart dresser"...)

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. Yeah, he's puuuuure evil. And a bean. He's give DASHI indigestion or something.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My DASHI and WUYA are flirting after I told DASHI to put her in the puzzle box. Tell me how to fix it, NOW."

A: Ok, don't be so violent! Go over and put WUYA in the box. Then lock it in the closet where he can't open it. This may make your WUYA very mad, however...

Q: "The time-space continuim was not messed up, and DASHI is wondering why he was brought here..."

A: Oh. Go back and make sure that WUYA conquers the world. Everything should be just peachy when you get back. Well, not really, but after DASHI saves the world it will be.

Q: "Why do you insist on playing favorites with couples?"

A: Because I can. Besides, I don't put that many hints in, do I? (looks back) Oh. Better hope that Chase, Wuya, Rai, and Kimiko don't see this... Ehe...

**Warranty**:

This says that you can return DASHI within 1500 years by going back and convincing yourself not to buy him in the first place. But then you couldn't go back and convince yourself, so you'd get him anyways, and I'm confused so I'm gonna shut up now. Yeah.

* * *

Other FAQ

Q (sort of): Do gender changing Wu hurt?

A: Raimundo says no but it does hurt your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush just a little bit... Ehe... (Sorry 'bout that, Rai...)

* * *

A/N: Soooo, Chase-kun is next... Yay! I'll have SOOO much fun with ChaseWuya-ness... Maybe other stuff too... Muahahaha... (evil laugh, thunder, lightning, etc.) 

Yeah, I'm on a sugar high still. I'm always on a sugar high... Maybye I'll become depressed one day and act somewhat normal... Nah. Thank you to all of my reviewers out there who supported me during the time of my insane sugar-rush last chapter... It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my hyperness. (waves)

(tries hard not to beg for reviews) Toodles! (spastic wave)

-Nikki **♪**


	7. Chase

Hi, people! I'm kinda sorry if I didn't get Dashi's element right, but I looked it up and couldn't find anything about it. Can't say I didn't try! Thank you for letting me know that I got it wrong... (Though WUYA's attacks seemed more earthy than firey to me...)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. Nya.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a CHASE. To be sure that he is a happy evil soul-less Heylin tai-chi master dragon-lizard thing, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Chase Young

Element: I looked that up too. (Thanks for the help!) I guess he's water and DASHI is really wind...

Height: Tall...

Weight: He'd kill me if I told you.

**Putting Your CHASE Together**

You should have a large steel safe. Do not freak out; your CHASE is just fine. We have to keep him in there so fangirls (and JACK) don't get to him.

1) Place a bowl of Lao Mang Lon soup outside the box.

2) Unlock the box and open the door.

3) CHASE will come out and drink the soup.

4) Your new CHASE will become content and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New CHASE Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new CHASE! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied. Your CHASE comes with:

1) Army of evil cats or fallen warriors (Note: The cats may not be house trained. If they have an accident on the carpent, I wouldn't reprimand them if I were you.)

2) An endless supply of Lao Mang Lon soup

3) Giant evil fortress

**Cool Things That Your CHASE Can Do**

Training: CHASE taught OMI new tricks, he can teach you too!

Staring At: Yeah, please don't drool... He may throw you off of a cliff. We don't reccommend this.

Evil Alliances: Your CHASE is very evil. He can teach you how to be half as evil as he is if you swear your loyalty.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE as much as the mutual-respect thing goes.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE-ish, depending on whether you're a ChaseKimiko fan or not. (I've only seen a few stories like that, though... Not really my top choice.)

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE at one point in the past...

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE as long as JACK doen't act too much like a whiny, annoying "worm", as Chase would put it.

**WUYA**: VEEERY COMPATIBLE. I keep wondering why CHASE turned WUYA just solid (without her powers)... Me thinks I shall lock them in a closet. (evil laugh)

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They're evil rivals.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My CHASE is convinced that I am not evil enough so he is trying to shove me into a portal into the yin-yang world. I don't want to be evil... WHAT DO I DO?!"

A: Ooh. That's not good. Try sending him to his room or taking away all of his soup. Or point out that you have a big gun with a bunch of cool buttons on it pointed at his head and that you can blast him with it at any given moment. Or _you_ could push _him_ into the portal, but he's not as awesome when he's good...

Q: "Help! My CHASE is on the verge of stabbing my JACK and DASHI!"

A: Uh-oh. That's not good. Tie him down and try to find out what it's about, exactly. If it's JACK and DASHI, I'm guessing it's about WUYA, but that's just my Wuya-shipping obsessed mind talking... Keep him away from all sharp, pointy objects other than WUYA's ears. (grin)

Q: "CHASE found my iPod and he listens to it all the time now..."

A: It's not that bad, rig- Oh. My. Marshmellows. I really don't think he should be dancing like that in public...

**Warranty**:

This declares that you can never return CHASE.

* * *

A/N: I don't see why you'd_ want_ to return CHASE... (drools) Ack, I'm turning into Wuya! (Looks at color of virtual-Nikki's hair) Oh My Marshmellows! I _am_ her! (hyperventilates until virtual Alanna (with purple hair like she's always wanted) reminds her that her hair's always been straight and red) 

Now that I know I'm not Wuya, I can write a chapter about her! Yay! So if you have any questions about Wuya or anyone else, ask away! Nya! Why am I using so many exclamation points!? I don't know!

-Nikki!!! **♪**


	8. Wuya

I greet you. (waves solemnly) I have been told by people (in reality, not fanfic) that I scare them with my cheerfulness, so I will attempt to be calm and normal for all of my Author's Notes.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a WUYA. To be sure that she is a happy Heylin witch-demon, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Wuya

Element: Dunno, but she seems like more of an Earth Heylin witch than a fire one, don't ya think?

Height: Apparently not tall enough, she walks around on her tip-toes all the time...

Weight: She'd torture me and then kill me if I told you.

**Putting Your WUYA Together**

You should have a puzzle box. Do not freak out; your WUYA is just fine. DASHI locked her in there 1500 years ago.

1) Open the box.

2) WUYA will come out and try to employ you as one of her minions.

3) Use the Serpent's Tail (sold seperately) and Reversing Mirror (also sold seperately) to return her to her human form. If you do not wish to interfere with the plotline, have CHASE or RAIMUNDO do this for you. Preferrably CHASE, hehe.)

4) Your WUYA will become eternally greatful and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New WUYA Comes With**

If you think you'll have to spend lots of time and money on your new WUYA, congratulations. You obviously have her figured out pretty well, don't ya? She comes with a few things to keep her occupied when you do not want to be her minion. Your WUYA comes with:

1) Puzzle Box (Only use this in extreme situations, like if she steals the last pudding cup.)

2) An extreme need for Sheng Gon Wu

3) The power to obtain power by nagging you

**Cool Things That Your WUYA Can Do**

Dealing With Enemies: Given that she has a body, she'll be happy to "dispose of" people you hate. (Note that this is against the law in most states, provinces and for some reason Atlantis.)

World Domination: She'll be glad to help with this- IF she gets her fair share of the world after you've taken it over, that is.

Torturing: Yes, all of you Wuya-bashers out there can torment her to your hearts' content until CHASE comes to save her and maul you with his cats.

Sensing New Wu: ...and then nagging you unil you stop whatever you're doing to go and help her get it.

Whining: We're not sure if this is good or bad yet. All we know is that CHASE and JACK were the only test subjects who could deal with it for long periods of time.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**KIMIKO**: Have you seen any WuyaKim shippers running about? No? Hmm, I wonder why? (end sarcasm here)

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE most of the time. There were some episodes, though...

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE. She's the only girl in all of the episodes that he'll hit.

**DASHI**: Potentially COMPATIBLE at some point in the past before the Puzzle Box incident... (Hey, WuyaDashi's kinda cool too...)

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE as long as she doesn't deem him as acting too pathetic at the moment.

**CHASE**: VEEERY COMPATIBLE. They were made for each other! CHASEWUYA FOREVER!!! (gets stared at by passerby) Ahem. I'm okay...

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: COMPATIBLE in a few episodes, but not as a pairing. That's kind of nasty.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My WUYA is a floating disembodied purple head. What's with that?"

A: You didn't assemble her correctly! Try steps number 3 and 4 under "Putting Your WUYA Together" again. If it doesn't work, make sure you didn't order a GHOST WUYA by accident.

Q: "My WUYA won't leave my CHASE alone! She follows him everywhere!! And she even tried to kill me and my friends because we're CHASE fangirls! How do I make her stop?!?!?!"

A: _Yes_! Your WUYA is acting perfectly normal. She has become a psyco-stalker CHASE fangirl, like she has the potential to if you raise her like I told you to in this gui- I mean, um, nya? Fine. If you _really_ don't want her that way (though I don't see _why_ you don't want her to become unconditionally obsessed with CHASE), use the Sands of Time to go back and raise her to be a normal CHASE fangirl or not a CHASE fangirl at all. (I mean, there are other options. Most people use DASHI or JACK as a substitude for CHASE in these situations. Many times DASHI works best because he dosn't have as large of a fanbase.)

Q: "My WUYA is chasing CHASE around my house, but somehow she looks like JACK, complete with trench coat and Goth-ish makeup!"

A: Well, _that's_ easy! WUYA somehow convinced JACK to pretend to be her and to make one of his JackBots look like CHASE. The real CHASE and WUYA have gone somewhere else on a date or something. It's that simple. (JACK's disguise probably fell off. He's running around because the robot did something veeery bad. I'm not telling you what it was though. Hehe.)

* * *

**Other FAQ**

Q: "I have two problems with my Chase. He has locked me out of my own room with Wuya, and he wont let me in? To add to that I hear some wierd thumping sound in my room..."

A: I don't know what to say to that except that this would be a good time to remember that you forgot to organize your best friends' socks or some other pointless activity that takes a long, long time and is far, far away from your room.

Q: "...Chase is also telling Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay to do stuff for him as if there under a spell. Whats wrong, and why is Raimundo now washing Chases boxers?"

A: Their chi has been drained. You can either go on a dangerous mission to the Ying-Yang world form which you may never return in one peice, or you can just get GOOD!JACK to do it for you. (By the way, steer clear of the boxers. They have spikes on them. WUYA told me so. She also told me not to tell you that she told me so. Uh-oh.)

**

* * *

Warranty**: 

You can only return WUYA if CHASE throws her out a window and she gets run over by a steamroller, loses all of her Shen Gon Wu, and actually _stays_ in her puzzle box for a while.

* * *

A/N: Ooh, it was hard to write all that with a straight face... (bursts out into song) I'm hyper again! Yay! (dances, or rather tries to dance because she can't) 

So, up next is HANNIBAL BEAN. And then, since this is popular-ish, I might just make a few more special chapters (Like GOOD!JACK, DOJO, KATNAPPE, etc.) after that. If you guys keep reviewing, that is. ;) (And I do thank you all for reviewing my story. You've all got awesome ideas and questions and thanks to you all for sending me them!)

-Nikki!!! **♪**


	9. Hannibal

Ack! I am SOOO sorry for taking forever with this chapter!!! I've been a little sick lately and writers block and yeah. And one of my bestest friends is away, and my other bestest friend is at color guard all the time and her email service hates her, so I'm really glad that I know another bestest friend that I'm not going to name. Yeah.  
Oh, and my color guard bestest friend is obsessed with Chase now. And Spock. (nodnod) She knows who she is.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. Nya.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a HANNIBAL ROY BEAN. To be sure that he is a happy evil talking... um... _vegetable_, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Hannibal Roy Bean

Height: He's a BEAN. Easy enough to figure out.

Weight: Put him on one of those little scale things at the grocery store.

**Putting Your HANNIBAL Together**

You should have a parrot. Do not freak out: Your HANNIBAL is not edible.

1) Go into the Ying-Yang World.

2) Follow the bird to wherever HANNIBAL's prison is.

3) Open the cage and let the talking bean free.

4) HANNIBAL will associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New HANNIBAL Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new HANNIBAL! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied. Your HANNIBAL comes with:

1) Moby Morpher (To turn him into a larger talking vegetable! Oh, how useful!)

2) Ying-Ying Bird (Which he will talk to...)

3) Ability to talk and think, though he is a bean. No plot holes here, people!

**Cool Things That Your HANNIBAL Can Do**

Manipulating People: "(sob) He lied to me!" "Yeah, evil villans have a tendency to do that..."

Eating: We don't know how edible he actually is, so please try not to do this for now...

Pranks: I'd love to see that dude's expression when his bean soup punches him in the face...

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE because HANNIBAL is evil and is out to get RAIMUNDO.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE. HANNIBAL is out to get RAIMUNDO. Which I said in the line above. I just repeated myself. Echo!

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE. ("Is that little bean edible?" "NO! Don't eat m-")

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE as long as JACK doesn't call him a jelly bean.

**WUYA**: In a few episodes... They're sort of... COMPATIBLE... I can't belive they actually made WUYA leave CHASE for a bean... (cries)

**CHASE YOUNG**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They're evil rivals. And HANNIBAL has a tendency to make WUYA mistrust CHASE a little. CHASE and WUYA made up in the end, though. Yes they did!!! They did, I tell you! (dies)

**FAQ**:

Q: "My HANNIBAL doesn't have any hair. What's wrong with him?"

A: That's normal for him. If you really want him to have hair, buy a wig for him or steal the one Dojo put on Master Fung in that one episode. (Warning: The wig may shrivel up and die. We are not responsible for your wig's death.)

Q: "My new HANNIBAL ROY BEAN has gone missing. Do you know where he is? (takes a sip of _bean_ soup, which yells in protest)"

A: No. I have no idea whatsoever where your HANNIBAL is. Good luck looking for him, though.

Q: "My HANNIBAL BEAN keeps turning into this squirrel! No matter what I do, I can't get him to stop! What's up with that?"

A: Um, it's a new evil plot to scare OMI so that CHASE will talk and complain about it nonstop which will cause WUYA to get really annoyed because he's not paying attention to her and she yells at him for it and CHASE becomes depressed and stops being a threat to HANNIBAL. (nodnod) And if you want him to stop, take his Moby Morpher away, because that's how he morphs... Yeah...

* * *

**Other FAQ**

Q: "My Wuya is in a white robe and being very nice, why is that and how do I get her to become evil again?"

A: She's lost all of her evil chi. How to fix it... Hmm... Grab either one of the yo-yos (I don't really see why they didn't just make one Ying-Yang Yo-Yo and be done with it) and make her use it. Please. Before she goes on another one-person march to save the rainforests.

Q: "I paired my RAIMUNDO and KIMIKO together, and they were happy for a time, but I think RAIMUNDO did something, and now KIMIKO won't talk to him! Help!"

A: It really depends on what he did, but assuming we don't want to ask for fear of becoming fried human, send them to a marriage counselor. Despite the fact that they were never married... Actually, just send them to my bestest friend who does color guard. And as long as you have a picture of Spock or Chase, she'll be happy to help Rai and Kim. I think.

Q: "Does Wuya come with an option to buy a suscription to that 'Wuya' magazine of hers?"

A: Yeah! Well, as long as she's all-powerful or the minions who run the presses will discontinue it. I don't really like being a mi- (eyes glow) And for today's news...

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can't return HANNIBAL unless I feel really, really sorry for you.

Alternate warranty: (thank you, jamesoor...)

"This declares that you can only return your HANNIBAL if he becomes good, starts biting his arm, throws his Moby Morpher at CHASE and knocks his head off, drinks Lao Mang Lone Soup, worships MASTER MONK GUAN's (can you make a MASTER MONK GUAN doll?) boogers at an altar, turns into WUYA, admits he is a Baldy Balderson, starts going mad and eats himself while singing 'Fergalicious'."

* * *

YES!!! Finally done with HANNIBAL! (happy dance)  
So, I'm doing GOOD!JACK next because I've actually started to like the annoying little hyper dude. He's almost as hyper as me! Done with the major characters, time to do the minor ones... And no lack of Wikipedia information can stop me now!  
The usual, review with any questions, concerns, criticism, or other random stuff for a virtual cookie! 

-Nikki!!! **♪**


	10. Good Jack

Hello, all! I'm baaack! (flings arms wide open) Did you miss me while I was on week-long hiatus in the Ying-Yang World?  
(cricket)  
Oh. Apparently not. Let me rephrase that, then...

Hello, everyone! (waves like normal) I'm sorry to say that this chapter has none of my biased views on ChaseWuya in it, because one of the other reviewers seemed not to like it. I have taken a pledge of non-biased views on that couple for a chapter, just so we all see what I'm like without my ChaseWuya. And it's hard to fit in when exaggerating Good!Jack's hyperness. (nodnod)

Disclaimer: I don't own the show! But I own a pencil... And a PDA...

* * *

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a GOOD!JACK. He's happy by default, but to keep him from getting too annoying, follow these instructions carefully. 

**Information**

Name: GOOD!JACK

Element: We think it might be Hyperness, but we're not sure.

Height: Same as JACK.

Weight: He's JACK's good side, okay? They're not that different, I don't feel like listing the weight twice, though this is actually taking longer than it would have if I'd just listed it in the first place.

**Putting Your GOOD!JACK Together**

You should have a box. By the time it reaches you, it may or may not have daisies sprouting out of the little window box.

1) Open the box.

2) Wait for GOOD!JACK to skip out. He will not need bribing, as he likes to skip and there is not room to do so in a small box like the one he was shipped in.

3) Your GOOD!JACK will serve you tea and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New GOOD!JACK Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new GOOD!JACK. He comes with many things to keep him entertained while he's not making you miserably happy. Your GOOD!JACK comes with:

1) Ying Yo-Yo to transform into his evil self if need be (Like, say your CHASE takes over the world and randomly turns OMI into a cat for no apparent reason and brainwashes the other monks, so GOOD!JACK is the world's last hope. Yeah. This is just an example, though. Never happened in reality. Hehe. (shifty eyes))

2) Hair gel (to slick hair back with)

3) Uber-preppy clothes

4) A love of all that is good and happy

**Cool Things That Your GOOD!JACK Can Do**

Make Tea: Tea! Eh, most people love it...

Being Happy: You'll be happy, too, or he'll make you miserable trying to get you to be so.

Scaring People: Yes, this is a use... Not like _I've_ ever done it before or anything... (cough)

Mind Control: It's actually rather easy for an Author(ess) to control him. He's very tame, and perfectly fine with annoying Rai and Kim to get together if you wish him to do so. (That was RaiKim. NOT ChaseWuya. I didn't pledge non-RaiKim-ness...)

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE because OMI is good.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE because KIMIKO is good.

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE because CLAY is good and I need to choose a different wording because "because (character) is good" is getting boring.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE because RAIMUNDO is on the side of Xiaolin which is not evil. (See? Different wording. Yay!)

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, I guess, but they've never met. And DASHI is not evil.

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE. "Hi, me! (glomp)"

**CHASE**: NOT COMPATIBLE. He's a bad influence on JACK.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE for the same reason as CHASE.

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. "The last thing you need are more bad influences!" Shame, shame, JACK...

**FAQ**:

Q: "My GOOD!JACK is ballet dancing and singing. Is this normal. And why is he kissing Master Fung on the head?"

A: You guessed it: This behavior is entirely normal for GOOD!JACK. Also, make sure the tea he will accidentally pour on Master Fung 3.5 seconds before I post this chapter isn't boiling over. You may want to keep GOOD!JACK from burning things by accident...

Q: "Help! When I recieved my box, there were two GOOD!JACKs in it! I can only stand one!"

A: This is a rare but serious case, because somehow you are trapped in the Ying-Yang world. Hmm, I didn't know we could ship things there... Anywho, soon only one GOOD!JACK will be there because the other one will have left with the chi of the remaining Xiaolin Monks. It's nice in the Ying-Yang world. The weather's a little unpredictable, though. Always carry a sweatproof parka. (nodnod)

Q: "OH! AND I HAVE A QUESTION. My GOOD!JACK keeps laughing evilly... what happened, and how do I make it stop?!"

A: That would be a JACK. Make him use the Ying Yo-Yo to turn good again, or get a refund. You can do both, I think... Except for some reason you can't transform JACK in Madagascar. I don't know why, you just can't. So if you live in Madagascar, illegally immigrate to some other country and change your JACK there, then go back to Madagascar before the police arrest you. (nodnod)

* * *

Other FAQs

Q: "And can I return my HANNIBAL? He became good, started to bite his arm, threw his Moby Morpher at Chase knocking his head off, drank Lao Mang Lone Soup, worshipped MASTER MONK GUAN's boogers at an altar, turned into Wuya, admitted he was a Baldy Balderson, and went mad. He is currently eating himself while singing 'Fergalicious.' So... I DEMAND A REFUND!"

A: That's what the warranty said, right? So yeah. (hands you an uneaten HANNIBAL)

Q: "My HRB has disappeared and for some strange reason i now have another Kimiko trying to put Raimundo asleep? Help!"

A: Ooh. Make sure Rai doesn't go to sleep, and smash the evil KIMIKO, because it's not her, it's HANNIBAL. And it's fun to bash HANNIBAL. (Takes out HANNIBAL vodoo doll, which I don't actually own, but since I'm an Authoress I have unlimited hammerspace, and if you don't know what that is, Wikipedia is glad to share its knowledge.)

Q: "My Jack seems to hate my Hannabal out of all my villian figures he seems to know he does not want to trust him. My Jack figure only seems to work with my Bean figure because he is afraid of him. Why doesn't he like my Hannable Bean figure."

A: I don't really blame your JACK for hating HANNIBAL. But, since you asked, HANNIBAL is forcing JACK to work with him because JACK is afraid of the giant talking veggie. I think WUYA has something to do with this, too, unless she's with CHASE at the moment, but he was going to betray her so she betrayed him first and that really didn't end well for anyone... (See? I'm not saying they were a couple. Which would have been breaking my no-biased-coupling pact. And it didn't really end well for either of them, because they both lost the Wu.) So yeah. Send HANNIBAL to his corner and don't give him dessert for a week. He ought not to pick on weaker beings such as JACK. Though JACK is awesome. And HANNIBAL is a giant talking vegetable. Are beans a veggie? I don't really know...

* * *

**Warranty**: 

This says that you can return GOOD!JACK if he gets too annoying and we pity you. "We" being me and the voices in my head. It might be kind of hard to convince the one that wants me to take a pencil and stab something. Yeah.

And, jamesoor's warranty (again): This declares you can return Good Jack only negative infinity seconds after you see / smell / hear / touch / bite him or if he starts eating on Wuya's hand with razor-sharp-teeth, smells an evil all-powerful fire-breathing flesh-eating earth-ruling dragon in his pyjamas, makes friends with Harry Potter, Voldermort and a werewolf without being in a crossover, eats Hanibal Roy Bean, throws Master Fung at the Chi Creature (can you make one?) and knocks that slimy, chi-sucking tounge thingy off and it lands into Hannibal Beans ear and gets eaten by Clay.

* * *

Well, that was GOOD!JACK's chapter! I'm actually starting to like him... Despite the fact that there's no Wikipedia article about him at all, there's like three sentences under Jack Spicer's "Character History"...  
Hey, peoples! Know what? I just figured out that if you guys want to add something to the chapter (like a warranty, or "Cool things that CHARACTER comes with, or something) you can do that. Just throw an idea at me and I'll add it in. You know, if you feel like making the effort. (I still hold my control over the sections, though. I'm not totally handing all control over to you guys, or other people would come and I'd wind up pairing up a bunch of conflicting couples and there would be a war over what couples belong and utter chaos would rampage the land.)  
If not, just kind of review, please... Thank you to all who do review. Um, since some people want me to do Guan, he's up next. Yay, more characters I can't research on Wikipedia for all the answers! (clap) 

-Nikki ♪


	11. Master Monk Guan

Hi, people. (wave) This is (hits control+v) MASTER MONK GUAN's (lets go of control+v) chapter! I hate the length of that name...

Guess what? My friend, who I'm nicknaming Yellowy, and I are having an argument over whether Cheetos (chi-toes) or Fritos (free-toes) are better. She says everyone likes her snack food better, so I'm asking you all. Chi-toes or Free-toes?

Disclaimer: I don't own the show! But I own a pencil... And a PDA...

* * *

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a MASTER MONK GUAN. To make sure that he doesn't turn into a grumpy military general, follow these instructions carefully. 

**Information**

Name: Master Monk Guan

Element: Um. (thinks for a minute) Fire, by process of elimination.

Height: I honestly don't know. I don't think even the Fountain of Hui (yes, I looked it up and that's how Wikipedia spells it) knows that. Why? Because there weren't very accurate forms of measurement 1500 years ago, when GUAN was still within a normal lifespan.

Weight: Look at the paragraph above this one.

**Putting Your MASTER MONK GUAN Together**

You should have a box. Your MASTER MONK GUAN will be inside of it.

1) Open the box.

2) Win the Spear Of Guan back from CHASE YOUNG, or just take one of the hundreds of Spears GUAN already has. It's much more fun to blackmail CHASE, though. (fingers CHASEWUYA pics)

3) Your MASTER MONK GUAN will emerge from his box. Take the Spear away and make him swear his loyalty. (evil cackle)

3.5) Be sure that MASTER MONK GUAN doesn't know about the hundreds of other spears he has.

4) Your MASTER MONK GUAN will (with remorse) associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New MASTER MONK GUAN Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new MASTER MONK GUAN, except when writing his name. He comes with many things to keep him entertained while he's not forcing you to train and calling you "Bobo". Your MASTER MONK GUAN comes with:

1) 500 or so Spear(s) Of Guan, minus #384

2) The fact that he's stayed alive 1500 years for no apparent reason

3) No hair.

**Cool Things That Your MASTER MONK GUAN Can Do**

Training: You will do pushups. And if you ask any questions, that's five hundred more for ya.

The "Repel The Beast" Move: Even if you love CHASE, you've gotta admit that's the coolest move ever.

Immortality: There's gotta be SOMETHING he did to live that long without drinking the soup, being a Heylin witch, or becoming a giant talking veggie.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE because OMI looks up to him.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE because KIMIKO is Xiaolin. As long as MASTER MONK GUAN doesn't kill RAIMUNDO with all of that training.

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE because CLAY is good.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE if RAIMUNDO can get up at noon instead of dawn.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE because he helped lock WUYA in the Puzzle Box.

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE. JACK is evil. No duh.

**CHASE**: NOT COMPATIBLE, because CHASE stole the Spear. The Spear was MASTER MONK GUAN's favorite toy! (sniff)

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. Hello, did you miss the part where WUYA got locked in the Puzzle Box? (I know, CHASE helped with that, but she forgave him for reasons I swore I wouldn't tell you.)

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE. You see, HANNIBAL turned MASTER MONK GUAN's friend, GOOD!CHASE, to the side of evil. They didn't have cookies then, but they did have soup that makes you an immortal lizard, which seemed like a good deal to CHASE.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My GUAN has no hair... Is that normal? Did something happen when whoever ships them was trying to ship it?"

A: Eh, sorry. That's totally normal. He did have a cool braid 1500 years ago, but it's long gone now. He's a baldie. That was SO formal, right?

Q: "My MASTER MONK GUAN is frequently yelling at me like an insane maniac, calling me Bobo, and forcing me to do pushups! When I can't do more than five pushups he tells me to do twenty more! HELP!"

A: Redirect his anger at RAIMUNDO, which is where it belongs according to the plotline, or some other character whom you hate. And be glad that it's not a four-hour gymnastics practice-meet after a summer of lounging around writing fanfics.

Q: "My MASTER MONK GUAN's favorite Spear is missing! What's going on?"

A: CHASE has abducted it! We will take back what is rightfully MASTER MONK GUAN's! We will fight to the death! Let us go! Go and retrieve that spear! (dramatic pose) Or you could, you know, use a little bit of blackmail so you don't get your face all messed up. (hands out badly-written CHASEWUYA stories that you can threaten to post if he doesn't comply)

* * *

Other FAQs

Q: "HANNIBAL is saying that he has an imaginary friend named OMI, but when I tell him he's not compatible, he sicks his falcon on me... (Marshmellows), what do I do?!"

A: Quit telling him that yourself and send your HANNIBAL to a phyc- no, it's too late for that, just send him straight to Oprah. He can talk out his issues there, because obviously he has some. Could you please explain to me WHY he thinks OMI is his imaginary friend anyways? This never came up in the field tests...

* * *

**Warranty**: 

This says that you can return MASTER MONK GUAN when he becomes a small pitiful weakling and CHASEWUYA is no longer my favorite couple ever.

And (thanks for the warranty, this ain't mine): This declares you can return Master Monk Guano only after he eats all 398 of his Spears of Guan, worships Chase's hair (don't tell him I cut it off) at some sort of altar made out of his toe nail clippings as he can't use his boogers because Hannibal has them, smashes Raimundo into a tiny bit of dust, starts farting Hannibal Bean and his Moby Morpher out, uses Omi as a football and steals Clay's hat.

* * *

Well, there you go! The hardest (and most annoying) part of all that was actually typing out MMG's name in all caps. By the end of it, I was just pasting his name in. CTRL+V is way easier than writing out the whole thing. Evil shift key. 

Tubbimaura is up next. (That's gonna be interesting to write.) If anyone's got a suggestion or request for what character to do after that, just throw it at me. I really want to do Katnappe at some point if you all think that's a good idea.

Thanks again to all of you nice people out there who take the time and effort to review! We just hit 100 reviews last chapter, and I feel very loved. (hands out cookies) Thank you!

-Nikki ♪


	12. Tubbimura

Ah, these chapters take longer and longer lately! Hopefully, now that I'm back in the swing of things, I won't be as lazy. This is Tubbi's chapter, so enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. Hopefully you all know that by now.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a TUBBIMURA. To be sure that he is a happy obese ninja, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Tubbimura, but from this point forward he will be known as Tubbi because a) that's what he is, and b) I have spelling issues and my copy and paste buttons are getting worn off of the keyboard.

Element: I do believe it's flabbiness.

Height: Far less than the diameter of his waist.

Weight: We don't know. There is no scale for humans in existience that can hold his weight without breaking, and the cargo truck company wouldn't let us borrow the scale they use for those giant shipping trucks once the cargo is loaded in them.

**Putting Your TUBBI Together**

You should have a very large, heavy box. Do not freak out or try to lift it.

1) Open the box.

2) TUBBI will haul his immensely fat self out of the box. This could take a while. (Warning: TUBBI may fly out of the box if he passes some gas. Please stand off to the side and wear a gas mask to prevent injury.)

3) While he is doing this, kidnap his chihuahua, MUFFIN FACE. Hold MUFFIN FACE captive.

4) Only give MUFFIN FACE back when TUBBI associates you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New TUBBI Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new TUBBI! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied. Your TUBBI comes with:

1) Food! (Supply this regularly. The people at the soup kitchen get suspicious after he goes through the line about fifty times in the span of eight minutes.)

2) A diet book

3) MUFFIN FACE the Chihuahua

**Cool Things That Your TUBBI Can Do**

Flatten People: It's like getting run over by a truck, but with a more satisfactory splat.

Bouncing: He's a giant basketball! (Or volleyball- he can literally crush your opponent!)

Human Sheild: The dodgeballs in gym class will just bounce right back at them...

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE. RAIMUNDO has been flattened by TUBBI before.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They both eat too much.

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE, though they can relate in laziness.

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE to some extent.

**WUYA**: Eh, kind of COMPATIBLE. They've worked together before when WUYA and JACK were teamed up.

**CHASE YOUNG**: COMPATIBLE when CHASE isn't flinging TUBBI out of a giant catapult.

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE, I'm guessing, because TUBBI might accidentally eat HANNIBAL.

**FAQ**:

Q: "My TUBBIMAURA isn't fat, what happened??"

A: This is very, very strange. I don't know what happened to him. I think he might be a defect or something...

Q: "TUBBI is convinced that he's too fat. How do I fix this?"

A: Well, he IS too fat. Just make sure he doesn't get an eating disorder or something. If he wants to lose weight, keep him on a healthy diet with less calories and less fat! (thumbs-up)

Q: "Poor little TUBBI saw some of the pairings on this site for him and is now insane. What do I do?"

A: No! Not the TubbiKat stories!? (twitch) Ah, sorry 'bout that. Anywho, his mind will heal on its own. Just don't let him near fansites ever again.

* * *

**Other FAQ**

Q: "My Clay has eaten everything in my fridge, including the cans and boxes. Help! I can't afford a unlimited supply of food!"

A: Everything?! Um, alright, I can fix this... Ah! You can't afford an unlimited supply of food, so take CLAY to the all-you-can-eat buffet, let him stuff himself with enough food for the week, and he won't eat anything else! Unless the manager kicks you out, it's a fool-proof plan! If the manager DOES ban you from the buffet ("CLAY only ate seventy chickens, and you kicked us out! What's your problem?! It's _all you can eat_, you idiot!"), buy the food one meal at a time. This way, there's no food in the fridge for CLAY to mindlessly devour.

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can't return TUBBI unless he becomes so dense that he collapses in upon himself, forming a small black hole that sucks things up and causes destruction!

Alternate warranty: (Thank you, jamesoor, for posting it, and I guess if Kloogy made it up, thank you to her, too.)

"Warranty: This declares you can return your TUBBIMAURA only when he finds JACK's pudding cups, gives up eating, gets eaten by Cyclops, gets his sword stolen by MASTER MONK GUAN and it becomes a Sword of Guan, gets his head knocked off by his poodle while singing "I'm too sexy for my butt" which is just plain disturbing."

(It's a chihuahua, just so you know.)

* * *

Aah, another chapter done... My consience is at peace once more. 

Alrighty then, I asked you all for ideas and opinions, and you gave them! Thank you! (I'm very suprised that nobody suggested Katnappe yet, though.) There are so many that I'm having a really hard time picking one...  
But Dyris is up next, because she's fun to bash, I can find decent information on her and frankly I'm in the mood for a character with a non-long name. Please don't use any swear words when referring to Dyris or asking questions about her, though. Demolishing her self-esteem is my job.

Don't worry, though, I'll get around to everyone's requests. If anyone has a particular burning desire for me to do a chapter a certian character, I'll try to fit that in sooner than the casual suggestions. So speak up now or forever hold your peace! (I never really got that phrase...)

(waves) Thanks, everyone, and... Please review!

-Nikki!!! **♪**


	13. Dyris

I'm BACK! Not much to say, so... Okay, everyone, here's Dyris! (Hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. If I did, RaiKim would be canon and ChaseWuya would at least have a chance. And Hannibal would die.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud (though with the things she does I don't really see anyone who owns her being proud) owner of a DYRIS. To be sure that she is a happy evil mermaid bent on world destruction, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Dyris

Element: It's either water or the element giant ugly green monsters have. I'm not sure.

Height: It differs, depending on whether she's a gorgeous Mary-Sue-like mermaid or a giant hulking monster of death.

Weight: See above.

**Putting Your DYRIS Together**

You should have a fishtank. Don't under any circumstances let the water out.

1) Open the box. (WARNING: Remove all RAIMUNDOs from the area before opening the box. If you leave him there, KIMIKO will fry DYRIS. Hope you like fried fish.)

2) DYRIS will naturally try to get you on her side.

3) Yank her out of the water and take blackmail video of her turning into a giant mutant fish-slime-monster thing.

4) DYRIS will be forced to associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New DYRIS Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new DYRIS! (She's not nearly as needy as WUYA. Of course, DYRIS isn't being ignored like CHASE ignores WUYA all the time...) She comes with a few things to keep her occupied when you don't want to drag her to the mall. Your DYRIS comes with:

1) A large tub of water (NOTE: Unless you want her to become a giant mutant fish-slime-monster thing, don't lose this!)

2) A need for world domination

3) A need to flirt with every guy within a five-mile radius

**Cool Things That Your DYRIS Can Do**

Attacking Others: Hey, she doesn't turn into a giant mutant fish-slime-monster thing for nothing!

Being Evil: She nearly broke up RAIMUNDO and KIMIKO! Noooooo! (dies)

Breaking Up Couples: If your OMI and KIMIKO suddenly like one another, lure OMI away and just watch KIMIKO run back to RAIMUNDO!

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: She'll flirt with him to get what she wants, but NOT COMPATIBLE.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE, because DYRIS will attempt to flirt with RAIMUNDO.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE, we all hope.

**CLAY**: Again, she'll flirt but it's NOT COMPATIBLE.

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**JACK**: I could see them being COMPATIBLE to some extent.

**WUYA**: DYRIS has the potential to use the "flirt-to-get-what-I-want" tactic with CHASE even more than WUYA! NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CHASE YOUNG**: COMPATIBLE, but I really hope not...

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE. DYRIS could never work with something so _ugly_.

**FAQ**:

Q: "Every time DYRIS gets out of water, she doesn't turn into a sickly beast! I want my sickly beast so can kill people! WHAT'S WRONG?"

A: Hmm. We found in testing of DYRIS that when she kills people, they tend to sue and ruin her permanent record. Since she is a Mary-Sue-like character, she feels the need to be perfect at all times. Show her fake "notes" from the people you want to attack saying how terrible she is and how much they hate her guts, and she'll be happy to kill them for you. If problems like this persist, return her and get a new DYRIS.

Q: "DYRIS is trying to steal RAIMUNDO away from KIMIKO, and RAIMUNDO is falling for it... What do I do?"

A: NO!!! It's all part of her evil plot!!! Remember that blackmail of her turning into a giant mutant fish-slime-monster thing? Show that to RAIMUNDO. Give his brain a few days to fix itself (though he may be scarred for life), and watch RAIKIM become canon again.

Q: "DYRIS died. She got fried by KIMIKO for flirting with RAIMUNDO."

A: Didn't I warn you about that? Just get a new one...

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can't return DYRIS unless she is thrown in a closet and tortured to death (with Teletubbies episodes) by RaiKim shippers!!!

Alternate warranty: (Thank you, Klooqy!!!)

"Warranty: Disclaimer: This declares that you can only return DYRIS when she kills TUBBIMURA, eats HANNIBAL, gets knocked on the head by UFM (Unidentified Flying Muffinface) and is horribly mangled and permanently disfigured by a horde of RaiKim shippers. (This last part might actually come true.)"

(I hope for the sake of RaiKim shippers everywhere that it does.)

* * *

Hehee! Dyris is DONE! (laugh-twirl-fall) 

Soooo, since this is the only week my friend SF (That's what she is now called, short for Spock Fangirl, unless she wishes to reveal herself. For those of you who may remember the friend I made the Spock user's guide oneshot for, it's her.) has time to read fanfictions, I'll be putting up a Katnappe chapter very soon, maybe even tomorrow if she threatens me enough!

(waves) Thanks! Send me ideas, questions, and so on and so forth!

-Nikki. **♪**


	14. Katnappe

Blah, hoped to get Katnappe's chapter up sooner, but... Meh, I don't have an excuse, just read it...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. It would be entertaining to see what would happen, though.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a KATNAPPE. To be sure that she is a happy cat-obsessed villan, follow these instructions carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Ashley, but "her evil name is Katnappe."

Element: Hairballs. Make sure she doesn't choke to death on one.

Height: With or without the giant ears?

Weight: She didn't like the scale much. Clawed it to bits. (sigh) We really need higher-quality scales.

**Putting Your KATNAPPE Together**

You should have a large condo with an ocean view. She insisted on being carried around like that. The things we had to do to to get the Postal Service to ship her... (shudders)

1) Walk into the condo.

2) Give KATNAPPE everything she wants. She's rather bossy.

3) When that doesn't work, bang head against wall. Then abduct her mutant super-kittens.

4) KATNAPPE will be forced to associate you with OWNER if she wants her kitties back.

**Cool Things That Your New KATNAPPE Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new KATNAPPE! She comes with a few things to keep her occupied when you run before she tries to use your hair as a cat toy. Your KATNAPPE comes with:

1) Mutant super-kittens

2) Cat costume, complete with whiskers!

3) _The Evil Cat-Girl's Big Book Of Cheesy Cat Puns_

4) A love for cats

**Cool Things That Your KATNAPPE Can Do**

Train Cats: While she's at it, she can train herself not to be as cat-like.

Annoying Jack: Eh, we all know it's a love-hate thing. They fight like a married couple, but don't tell them I said that or they'll yell "NO" at the same time and chop me up into itty bitty pieces.

Make-overs: Even if she is an evil cat-girl, she has a really good sense of style.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE to some extent.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE. Maybe if they weren't enemies they could go shopping or something, but no.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CLAY**: I guess they could be COMPATIBLE. He won't hurt her... 'Course, he won't hurt any girls...

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**JACK**: Totally COMPATIBLE. They have their issues, but they make a cute couple. (It's also fun to go up to her mutant kitties and go, "Aww, they have Jack's eyes!". Watch KATNAPPE and JACK blow up. Hehee.)

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They're both too bossy.

**CHASE YOUNG**: COMPATIBLE 'cuz they both like cats, but not too much...

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**FAQ**:

Q: "Yeah um Katnappe decided to become a dog instead of a cat... She doesn't do her cool pur thing anymore... I want that feature back! What to I do? (starts strangling the nearest and unfortunate person)"

A: Wow. I've never had that problem before. Ah, make her feel really guilty about leaving her kittens behind. She loves those things. And tell her how cool the cat costume was. If this doesn't work, well, return her.

Q: "KATNAPPE used to hate my dog, but now, she's acting as if they're one of a kind, smelling each others butts and all! My eyes feel like they're going to fall out! HELP!"

A: Ew, bad images! (shudder) Try getting a JACK to distract her. She must be really lonely if she's friends with your dog.

Q: "I followed your advice above (points to last FAQ) and now KATNAPPE likes JACK way too much. Like, she has a little JACK SPICER doll that she keeps in her room."

A: This is a rare but serious side effect of that last cure. Please donate her to a JackKat shipper and wait to recieve a new KATNAPPE in the mail.

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can't return KATNAPPE until she falls in love with JACK and they both join CHASE, WUYA, RAIMUNDO, and KIMIKO, and all of them run off to a happy land filled with flowers and unicorns!

Alternate warranty: (Thank you, Klooqy!!!)

"Warranty: This declares that you can't return Katnappe unless she marries Jack, has little mutant kitten babies, actually forgives Chase for cat-apulting her out of his lair and becomes Kimiko's BFF."

(Yup, I still think Jack and Kat are seceretly in love. And I'll bet their kids would look anthro or something. Or they could look like Kat's mutant attack kitties. Who knows?)

* * *

Hehee! Hope I did this in time for SF to read... Anywho, I just watched the Patriot. It was so sad... Especially the part where they burned the church... 

Dojo's up next. Send me ideas, questions, and so on and so forth! BTW, please remember that you can enter questions for other characters too. Just so you know. (gives cookies to all who review)

-Nikki **♪**


	15. Dojo

I've been really busy lately, with Christmas shopping and decorating and stuff like that. How does Santa do everything without a budget limit? (is tired)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown, or these would be real and not fanfic, wouldn't they?

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a DOJO. To be sure that he is a happy magical dragon-guardian, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Dojo Kanojo Cho. Call him Dojo.

Height: "Not-a-gecko".

Weight: I don't know. He must be really light, because it's physically impossible for him to fly otherwise, right?

**Putting Your DOJO Together**

You should have a small cage made out of inescapable stone, or one of Wuya's rock golems. He should be trapped inside either way. Don't worry, he'll be let out by you soon.

1) Place a GOOD!JACK outside the golem or cage.

2) Open the box.

3) DOJO is terrified of GOOD!JACK, and should beg for mercy.

4) Take the GOOD!JACK away. DOJO will be forever greatful and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New DOJO Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new DOJO! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like talking about his various Shen Gon Wu ailments. Your DOJO comes with:

1) A scroll to guard

2) A Family Yo-Yo (If not, he will have an extreme hate for Chucky Choo.)

3) Various Shen Gon Wu ailments

4) Ability to sense Shen Gon Wu.

**Cool Things That Your DOJO Can Do**

Sense Shen Gon Wu: Hopefully without the evil rashes of death.

Turn Into A Giant Dragon: Very intimidating, especially when trying to prove that he is "not-a-gecko!".

Flying: Much more convenient and on-time than your average jet airliner.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE. They are allies.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE, same reason as OMI.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE, same reason as KIMIKO.

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE. (They both eat a lot.)

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE! I wonder if DASHI ever got the "not-a-gecko" speech...

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CHASE YOUNG**: NOT COMPATIBLE, really, because CHASE tried to cook DOJO, which I don't think went over too well.

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE. He's the reason CHASE has to eat "poor, innocent dragons".

**FAQ**:

Q: "I locked my Dojo in the box like insructed and asked Omi to watch him. The next day he is in his larger form, has two heads, and a craving for sheng gon wu. What happened?"

A: This only happens once every thousand years. (How he ate Atlantis but then went to go see it in a later episode is a mystery to me.) DOJO gets a craving for Shen Gon Wu, so they lock him up. OMI was being naiive and let DOJO out, so now DOJO has grown two heads and is currently destroying the world. To fix him (which I think you'd like to know how to do), trap him back in the (bigger) box in a Xiaolin Showdown. Then shrink the box. And make sure OMI gets a long lecture from MASTER FUNG about the issues with letting a huge Wu-craving dragon loose upon an unsuspecting world.

Q: "My Dojo won't stop talking about some family yo-yo that got stolen from him. Now he ran away to find someone named 'Chucky Choo'. What do I do?'

A: You can hunt down Chucky Choo and steal the yo-yo back. Or you could call the police on Chucky Choo. Either one works.

Q: "My Dojo seems to be a little too lazy. In order for me to get him to do something he demands either a fruit basket, rash ointment, or a replacement family yoyo. He turns into his giant self if I won't! Help me before he crushes my house!"

A: Try getting a MASTER FUNG costume. Let DOJO trim your toenails as reward for his efforts to do what you tell him. This usually works. OR you can dicipline him, which takes longer but doesn't require a costume.

* * *

**Other FAQ!**

Q: 'My DYRIS was flirting with OMI in front of CLAY and RAIMUNDO and now they're fighting over her? What do i do?'

A: Pull DYRIS out of the water and watch her turn into her slimy mutant self. Then watch everybody scream and run! (After seeing the truth, OMI will be the only one stupid enough to still acutally like her.)

Q: "I always wanted my own Jack Spicer. Is there like some chance you can send me one through e-mail?"

A: No, I'm sorry. I've always wanted a JACK SPICER too, but they're out of stock at the moment. (sob)

Q: "My CHASE is following JACK around squeeing like a fangirl. And JACK is running away shouting insults. I THINK THEY SWITCHED BRAINS!"

A: OMM! I think they did! (grabs Scroll of SGW) There must be some kind of Shen Gon Wu to fix this... If not, use your Author/Authoress Powers to create one. Or if you're too lazy, call 1-800-FIX MY BRAIN-SWAPPED CHARACTERS to get someone else to fix them free of charge!

Q: "M guaan won't come out. AND IF HE DOESN'T I CAN'T GET HIM WITH THE MACHINE GUN! (really hate him)"

A: He's just scared. Gain his trust by putting away the machine gun, apologise, and try to appear sane for a few days. Remove the box, THEN get him with the machine gun.

* * *

**Warranty**:

You can only return DOJO from the beginning of time until five seconds before you were born.

Alter-Warranty (By me, this time):  
You can only return DOJO if he gives up on the family yo-yo, acutally fries someone with his fire-breath, and destroys Tokyo because Godzilla had to take a vacation.

* * *

Cookies to all! (hands out more cookies) 

Master Fung's up next! Send me ideas, questions, and so on and so forth!

-Nikki **♪**


	16. Master Fung

Merry Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukah... um, what else is there... Ah, let's just go with the "politically correct" approach...

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!**

Again, I'm really super-uber busy. And the XLS fandom seems kinda slow. (If you're out there, Christy Hui, now would be a really good time to give us all some new content to talk about...)  
In other news, SF's friend hates Rocketshipping. (From the Pokemon fandom.) All I have to do is say it and he falls on the floor screaming. We're a strange little group of people...

DISCLAIMER: I firmly un-believe that I don't not have any of the rights to Xiaolin Showdown.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a MASTER FUNG. To be sure that he is a happy Xiaolin Master-dude with a very strange taste in desk calendars, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Master Fung

Height: Tallish, I guess?

Weight: I don't know. Apparently none of these characters like letting me distribute that info.

**Putting Your MASTER FUNG Together**

You should have a little box. MASTER FUNG should be inside, in a coma-like state. Don't worry, he only did this so he wouldn't turn evil.

1) Travel into the Ying-Yang World and get the little bottle of chi. (They have personalized labels!)

2) Open the box. MASTER FUNG is in a coma-like state and will not attempt to escape, hide, or glomp.

3) Give MASTER FUNG's chi back.

4) MASTER FUNG will go into a non-coma-like state, like New York (NYC, the city that never sleeps!), and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New MASTER FUNG Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new MASTER FUNG! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like listening to his calendar-based wisdom. Your MASTER FUNG comes with:

1) Cool martial arts skills

2) Desk calendar full of sayings (lilJunebug suggested mentioning this)

3) "Confusing Metaphores" (zestychicken2)

**Cool Things That Your MASTER FUNG Can Do**

Help With Training: This training is much less painful than with a MASTER MONK GUAN.

Provide Strange Proverbs On Demand: He "has a desk calendar", and also apparently has them tatooed on the back of his eyelids. (This explains why he always closes his eyes when he's quoting some random person in history nobody but him knows of...)

Doorstop: When you can't think of anything else to use him for.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE. He pretty much raised OMI.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE, but in a father-child way.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE, same reason as KIMIKO.

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE, same reason as the last two.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, if they met, I guess...

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE. Even MASTER FUNG was against him joining the temple...

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE, for obvious reasons.

**CHASE YOUNG**: NOT COMPATIBLE. If you recall, CHASE attempted to cook MASTER FUNG's friend DOJO.

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**FAQ**

Q: "My MASTER FUNG is refusing to talk to any of the monks, and only talks to Dojo... What is up with him NOT making any of them train?!"

A: I suppose he must be putting them through some sort of carefully thought-out training that will eventually sufficiently prepare them for their battle against the evil Heylin side. Either that, or he's mad at them and giving them the silent treatment. Yeah, that's more likely.

Q: "MASTER FUNG has stopped quoting random people that nobody really knows about. What's wrong?"

A: He ran out of desk calendars to quote from. You can get him another one by calling 1-800-GET-MASTER-FUNG-A-NEW-BRIGHT-SHINY-CALENDAR.

Q: "The new MASTER FUNG I recieved is not in a coma-like state. Fix this or die."

A: That's not really a question, but I actually am not in the mood to die today, so... He's not in a comalike state because CHASE YOUNG has failed to obtain the Ying Yo-Yo and take him to the Ying-Yang world. Fix this by giving CHASE the yo-yo and the evil idea. (WARNING: This may result in EVIL OMI helping CHASE take over the world, causing WUYA to be neglected by CHASE. Boo hoo.)

* * *

**Other FAQ!**

Q: "Does my Dojo come with an option to purchase Back Feet for him? He gets upset because he thinks Chucky-Choo stole them from him. Thanks!'

A: That feature was never really needed before, but I suppose I could get a pair custom-made just for you. (nodnod)

Q: "My Omi is now huge and smashing up the house! What do I do?"

A: Unless JACK has them, use the Reversing Mirror and Changing Chopsticks to shrink him back to normal size. (If JACK has them and you REALLY want OMI to stop smashing the house, use the Changing Chopsticks on him again. He will be much smaller, so have a dollhouse ready for him.)

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can only return MASTER FUNG if the creepy undead girl from the Ring movie comes out of KIMIKO's computer and kills him.

Alter-Warranty (Thank you, 16Zulee16):  
"You can only return your MasterFung if he stops getting igroed with Dojo, Marries Wuya,and joins a boyband."

(As in, you can never return it, because ChaseWuya is canon!!! (twitch-spontaneously-combust) It's true, haha...)

* * *

(looks at warranty) Yeah, I read the manga version of the Ring a week or two ago. It was WAY scary, with the whole creepy-dead-girl-coming-out-of-a-well thing. Never read it, _ever_, unless you particularly like being terrified. I lost sleep over it! The only TV show that ever gave me nightmares was... um... _Sesame Street_... But that was when I was really little, okay? I really didn't like those creepy alien things that go "Yip yip yip". I used to dream that they came in every night and ate my brains. (shudder) 

Jermaine is up next! Send me que- Ah, you all know the drill, and if you don't, then look at the last chapter...

-Nikki **♪**


	17. Jermaine

It's 2008, people! Happy new year, even though it's way past New Year's Day!  
It doesn't feel like a new year at 6 AM, though. (sleeps) I'd have this up earlier but when I went to look at the reviews for questions, the CPU started weirding out on me. Since I don't get out much, is this just my computer, or are you guys having issues with the site too? Whatever, it's up now, so enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Duct tape is silver, my hair isn't blue, I don't own this, so please don't sue.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a JERMAINE. To be sure that he is a happy Xiaolin monk-slash-New Yorker-slash-basketball fan, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Jermaine

Height: Tall enough to play basketball against a bunch of random evil dudes and win.

Weight: ... I am not permitted to tell you.

**Putting Your JERMAINE Together**

You should have a small box.

1) Open the box.

2) Put a basketball outside the box.

3) JERMAINE should come out and grab the basketball.

4) JERMAINE should become content and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New JERMAINE Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new JERMAINE! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like playing basketball. Your JERMAINE comes with:

1) Basketball skillz!

2) A basketball

3) ... A basketball court?!

**Cool Things That Your JERMAINE Can Do**

Basketball Lessons: He's pretty much a pro at basketball. Seriously.

Using Slang: You may want him to help your OMI with his slang issues when it gets too annoying...

Become A NYC Tour Guide: He seems to know the city pretty well, don't you think?

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE. They were good friends.

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE, to some extent.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE. They can _both_ teach OMI slang!

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE, I guess?

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE, if they met, I guess...

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE, because JACK is evil.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CHASE YOUNG**: COMPATIBLE as long as JERMAINE doesn't know that CHASE is Heylin.

**HANNIBAL**: NOT COMPATIBLE. "Dude. What's up with the talkin' bean?"

**FAQ**

Q: "My JERMAINE is going around rapping all the time, and he doesn't want to follow my Chinese custom and take off his darned shoes! My mom is getting really annoyed with all the dirt marks on our marble floor! Oh, and he keeps trying to board DOJO and fly back to New York!"

A: I think he's homesick. Let him go back to NYC for a week, and he should be fine. If he keeps on doing it, take away his shoes for a week.

Q: "My JERMAINE has stopped acting like his ghetto-fabulous self! He's acting weird in a CHASE-like way...How do I get him back 2 normal?"

A: CHASE has recruited him for an evil plot. Tell him that CHASE is evil. If he doesn't believe it, wait for CHASE's plan to be put into action, then watch him lose all of his friends wh are on the Xiaolin side. After that, you get to say, "I told you so!" over and over again.

Q: "umm... my JERMAINE is always fighting with OMI and he's hanging out with CHASE more then i would like him to(that would be at all). I even think he just used repule the monkey. WHAT'S GOING ON!?"

A: See above. (points)

Q: "My Jermaine isn't playing basketball... What do I do? I thought he could help me! (cry)"

A: Oh, noes! Your JERMAINE must have been driven insane by all of those "I told you so"- I mean, by something I am completely unaware of. Ahem. Make sure there aren't any Mary Sues in the area, because that could cause OOC-ness. If there aren't and he's still acting weird, call 1-800-FIX-MY-OOC-CHARACTER-PLEASE.

* * *

**Other FAQ!**

Q: "ARG! I tried to switch them back with a wu but when I did it OMI and WUYA walked in. NOW WUYA is chasing JACK. CHASE is making a long winded speech about how good is good while slaughtering the enlish launage and OMI ran off with my wu!"

A: Okay, so it looks like JACK is in WUYA's body, CHASE is in JACK's body, OMI is in CHASE's body, and WUYA is in OMI's body. (Whew. Took me a while to sort those out!) So what you need to do is brain-switch them back, but in an order, like take OMI (in CHASE's body) and CHASE (in JACK's body) and swap them so that CHASE is now back to his old self. The trick here, I'm guessing, is to keep everyone else out of the room so this doesn't happen again. (Triple-lock the doors, just to be safe.) I suggest keeping the others in a dungeon so WUYA (in OMI's body) can't run off again.

Q: "OMG My RAIMUNDO is starting to scream like a sissy boy and JACK is kissing KIMIKO, it's the end of the world! How do I get them to stop screaming like a sissy/kissing KIMIKO?'

A: (breakdown) NOES!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!! (thirty minutes and a straightjacket later) Ahem. Anywho, I think they are either very, very OOC, or they have swapped brains. This seems to be a common problem as of late, so do what I told the above person to do. This should be simpler for you, because all you need to do is swap JACK and RAIMUNDO. Make sure KIMIKO is out of the room, so you don't have the same issue the person above has.

Q: "My new Jack Spicer is being really charming and knows what to say that makes my (also new) Kimico melt. I am a fangirl for Jack what should I do."

A: Send KIMIKO off to a nunnery for the rest of her life, or get a RAIMUNDO to drag her attention away from JACK. Then JACK will come running, heartbroken, to you. (Please forgive the extremely cliche plotline I just portrayed. I apologise greatly. But it _should_ work.)

Q: "I bought RAIMUNDO, KIMIKO, and JACK, and for some odd reason my RAIMUNDO is trying to beat up JACK. What's the cause of this calamity? I like peace!"

A: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver, so duct tape them to chairs and play psycologist. ("And how did that punch in the face make you feel?") Or, you could drag them away and tell RAIMUNDO and KIMIKO to go skip around in a happy feild of flowers, and give JACK a nice talking-to about how RAIKIM is canon and that KIMIKO is off-limits, unless you like JACKIM, in which case tell JACK and KIMIKO to go skip in the feild and give RAIMUDO the nice talking-to. I honestly like the duct-tape idea best, but use whichever one floats your boat.

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can only return JERMAINE if he swaps brains with MALA MALA JONG, jumps off a cliff multiple times without death, and gets arrested for writing a horror story that scared a little child to death.

Alter-Warranty (Thank you, "Spazztic Siblings Studios", aka Klooqy and her brother):  
"Warranty: This declares that you can only return JERMAINE if he mistakes OMI's head for a badly-faded basketball, gets food poisoning from MASTER FUNG's toenail clippings, falls off CHUCKY CHOO in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and drowns, then gets back to life and killed (again) by the S for ever failing to notice the fact that RAIKIM is canon."

(RAIKIM is canon, even more so than CHASEWUYA. Bad for CW, good for RK.)

* * *

Wow, brains seem to be swapping quite a bit. I wonder if it's a glitch... ?

I can't really look at my reviews, but I remember Klooqy's brother asked for the Sapphire Dragon _way_ back, so the Sapphire Dragon is up next! Send me questions for whatever characters, ideas, input, whatever! Bye!

-Nikki **♪**


	18. Sapphire Dragon

(pokes reviews) Wow... The Sapphire Dragon and Dojo. I didn't even know the pairing existed! Ehe... I guess the Sapphire Dragon is over her gender issues then? NO! SAPPHIRE DRAGON! PLEASE DON'T HURT M-

DISCLAIMER: Xiaolin Showdown: To own or not to own? Umm, how about not.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a SAPPHIRE DRAGON. To be sure that (he/she/it?) is a happy evil dragon Shen Gon Wu made of sapphire, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Sapphire Dragon

Element: Um, sapphire?

Size: Very small when she's a Wu, very big when she's a dragon.

**Putting Your SAPPHIRE DRAGON Together**

You should have a small box. Don't worry, your SAPPHIRE DRAGON is reasonably easy to assemble and anyone with an IQ higher than Eintein's should be able to complete the following instructions with relative ease. Sadly, I can't do that because I'm not smarter than Einstein, so I've devised NEW PLANS!!! (insert evil laughter here)

1) Open the box.

2) You will find a small, soot-coated dragon figure. Don't scratch the soot off. (NOTE: If your SAPPHIRE DRAGON is not coated in soot, run very, very quickly.)

3) Since the SAPPHIRE DRAGON is dangerous, trap it in the Sphere Of Yun.

4) Don't let it out until she associates you with OWNER. (Keep the Sphere, just in case.)

**Cool Things That Your New SAPPHIRE DRAGON Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new SAPPHIRE DRAGON! She comes with a few things to keep her occupied when you don't feel like turning into a sapphire zombie. Your SAPPHIRE DRAGON comes with:

1) TOTALLY KEWL POWERS OF ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND D00M! (TM)

2) And undead army of zombies (try not to become a part of it)

**Cool Things That Your SAPPHIRE DRAGON Can Do**

Zombify People: Just make sure she doesn't zombify _you_.

Making Worst Fears Come Alive!: Who isn't terrified of giant creepy-looking Teletubbies? (NOTE: Also requires Shadow of Fear and Moby Morpher, sold seperately.)

Making Pretty Sculptures: If you're mean and don't let your SAPPHIRE DRAGON take over the world, the things she has turned sapphire will at least make pretty lawn ornaments.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: INDIFFERENT.

**KIMIKO**: INDIFFERENT, again.

**RAIMUNDO**: INDIFFERENT... Okay, hold on a minute. (senses pattern)

**EVERYONE WHO ISN'T DOJO**: INDIFFERENT.

**DOJO**: COMPATIBLE or INDIFFERNT, depending on your pairing preferences.

**FAQ**

Q: "My SAPPHIRE DRAGON (O.o) is um... not... Sapphire? Anymore... What exactly happened?"

A: Is she soot-colored? If so, reread the directions. If she's gold-colored or something, there's something wrong with her. Take her to your local dragon vet. What do you mean, you don't have a local dragon vet?! Doesn't everyone? Whatever, just call 1-800-FIX-MY-MAGICAL-MALFUNCTIONING-SHEN-GON WU!

Q: "My SAPPHIRE DRAGON isn't turning anybody into sapphire! It's turning everybody into gold! I mean, I might have sold my golden TUBBIMURA to somebody, but how do I fix the others?"

A: Turning everyone into gold... Um, you got a defe- I mean, a super-special-ultra-limited-edition SAPPHIRE DRAGON! Yeah. Not defective, just special. Like that state quarter that had the extra leaf on the corn that sold for like a million dollars! Or my brain! (cough) Anyhow, just ask for a replacement, or get it to zap inanimate objects into gold and sell the stuff on eBay to become a multi-millionaire. To fix the zombie-people, have DOJO defeat the SAPPHIRE DRAGON with hot sauce, then make sure they're not there when you release her again.

Q: "My Saphire Dragon is partying with Dojo instead of turning everyone into saphire! What's going on with my Saphire Dragon?!"

A: Your SAPPHIRE DRAGON likes DOJO too much. Make DOJO do something that makes the SAPPHIRE DRAGON really ticked off at him and turn him into a sapphire zombie. Then she will be in a suitable mood to destroy the world. I'll be in the Ying-Yang world when she comes to my house. (nodnod)

Q: "Help! My SAPPHIRE DRAGON won't stop hounding my DOJO and making... EYES at him. WHAT. DO. I. DO!?!?"

A: Ah, you don't like the pairing. Well then... (points at above post)

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can only return SAPPHIRE DRAGON if she goes out with DOJO, turns into gold, and then starts singing the song eBay by Weird Al.

Alter-Warranty is not here, because Klooqy did not feel like writing one. (pout)

(BTW, Klooqy, I've known your name was spelled that way for a while. I did think it was spelled with a "g" for a little bit at first, though...)

* * *

Sorry about jinxing the site with that "is anyone else having issues" thing. It seriously crashed withing five minutes of me posting the chapter, and I'm like, "NOES!"  
Yeah, so review, please, or I'll... Um... Keep listening to That's Your Horoscope. By Weird Al, you know? They've got a funny Xiaolin Showdown vid to that on YouTube. Anyhow, that's not very threatening, is it, so just review so I don't feel stupid rambling on like this, 'kay?

Oh, yeah, and since it's late and I'm feeling weird, Vlad is up next. I'll wake up tomorrow and wonder what posessed me to undertake such a task instead of picking someone like Master Fung. (faints)

-Nikki **♪**


	19. Vlad

Ugh, this was SO hard to do! Vlad's only in one episode and Cartoon Network quit airing the stuff (noes!), and then all Wikipedia has is, like, his name and the fact that he betrayed his friends and made a cameo in Time After Time (2), which wasn't really helpful... So yeah. Enough excuses- enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I'm not Christy Hui, therefore I don't own XLS.

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a VLAD. To be sure that he is a happy Russian dude selling various items of little value out of a wooden cart, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Vlad

Element: I dunno, selling things and tricking friends?

Size: Slightly overweight. (Not as much as Tubbi though.)

**Putting Your VLAD Together**

You should have a wooden box. Do not worry, your Vlad is safe.

1) Open the box.

2) You will find a VLAD inside the box. Put food or money or something outside the box.

3) Vlad will come out and become content. He will then associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New VLAD Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new VLAD! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like betraying the Xiaolin Dragons. Your VLAD comes with:

1) A (slightly damaged) wooden cart from which he sells things in Russia

2) That cool jacket he got from JACK when he joined the Jack Spicer's New Army Of Evil.

**Cool Things That Your VLAD Can Do**

Sell Things: He seemed to be getting along pretty well until he teamed up with Jack...

Tricking Gullible People: We are not responsible for any attempts to trick non-gullible people, such as people who are not OMI.

Selling Out His New Friends And Turning Evil: He could be one of those super-popular cliche people you always see in movies!

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE. VLAD tricked OMI into thinking OMI would turn evil. Not that the sucess of the plan was due to OMI's stupidity or anything. (cough)

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE, VLAD is evil.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**DASHI**: They've never really met... (slams random stamp down) NOT COMPATIBLE!

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE? They worked together for a while...

**CHASE**: Same as JACK.

**WUYA**: COMPATIBLE, I suppose. They did sort of work together (they were both teamed up with JACK)...

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: COMPATIBLE, I suppose.

**FAQ**

Q: "My VLAD isn't talking with a Russian Accent, and is trying to act like Raimundo in front of Kimiko... It's kinda freakin me out... What's going on?"

A: (is also freaked out) Oh, dear. Um, give him a nice little chat about how RAIKIM is canon and KIMIKO is off-limits! And if all else fails, take the approach anyone else would; send KIMIKO to a nunnery and let RAIMUNDO come rescue her from there, and they can run off to Slovakia and live happily ever after! (Or not.)

Q: "My VLAD has been spotted wearing my JACK's evil dream team club jacket... what's up with that?"

A: He's in JACK's Evil Dream Team Club or whatever. If you don't like it, explain to VLAD how much of a loser JACK is and VLAD will quickly quit. (Alliteration! Yay!)

Q: "My Vlad doesn't have a funny accent! I can actually understand what he's saying 00 what's wrong with him?"

A: You've gotten a free special feature with your VLAD! He speaks more plainly, becuase for whatever reason some people actually WANT to know what he's saying. You can easily turn it off by poking him in the center of the head.

* * *

**Other FAQ**

Q: "What about using the Emperor Scorpion."

A: To subdue the SAPPHIRE DRAGON? I suppose that would work, too. Just use whichever Wu is most convenient for you.

* * *

**Warranty**: 

You can only return VLAD if he is run over by a semi, arrested for selling smuggled items from that little wooden cart of his, and starts singing "Please Don't Stop The Music" indefinitely.

Alter-Warranty #1: (Thanks, Klooqy!) This declares that you can only return VLAD when he dates WUYA & KATANPPE, has all his pudding-basin hair burned off by KIMIKO, eats DOJO for protein and gets killed for 'accidentally' stomping on RAIMUNDO's feet.

Alter Warranty #2: (From funnycat367!) I got a warranty for Vlad. You can only return Vlad if he marrys Wuya, moves to France, becomes a male supermodel, and gives birth to tellatubbies.

(Oh, marshmallows. I hope and pray that I won't be getting any VLADs back. If I do, I'll be terrified for poor WUYA...)

* * *

There's a moth attacking my computer right about now. And I got a FictionPress account (yay!) and a Fanart Central account (double yay!) so I'm putting stuff up on those soon, I hope. Hope being key word, because my computer was malfuncioning- BZZT! (random dancing hamsters appear on screen) BZZT!- the other day. 

Next up is GOOD!CHASE, because he is technically a character and I feel like it. Review with comments, questions, criticism, or just because you can.

-Nikki **♪**


	20. Good Chase

AUTHORESS' NOTE GOES HERE! La da daaaaa... (sings)  
Oh! People are here. So I would've gotten this chapter up yesterday, but the online document editor thingy was being weird and took away all of the spaces. It made me very sad, because I had to go back into Word and redo everything in my not-so-abundant spare time. (glares at computer)

DISCLAIMER: Do I own Xiaolin Showdown? No I don't! (dances)

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a GOOD!CHASE. To be sure that he is a happy Xiaolin Dragon with awesome water powers and the potential to rule the world, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Chase Young, but to differentiate him from the more common EVIL!CHASE we shall call him GOOD!CHASE

Element: Water

Size: Same as CHASE, unless CHASE is a dragon, in which case he's not, but since I don't like CHASE when he's a scary dragon we'll pretend he's not.

**Putting Your GOOD!CHASE Together**

You should have a box of some sort. Do not worry, your GOOD!CHASE is safe. He's probably meditating.

1) Open the box.

2) You will find a GOOD!CHASE inside the box.

3) Place a Lao Mang Lon Soup outside the box.

4) GOOD!CHASE should come out. Convince him not to drink the soup and he will be eternally grateful and associate you with OWNER.

**Cool Things That Your New GOOD!CHASE Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new GOOD!CHASE! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like practicing martial arts. Your GOOD!CHASE comes with:

1) Awesome Xiaolin Dragon powers of coolness!

2) A cool blue robe.

3) The potential to either be good and become an awesomely cool Xiaolin Dragon, or become evil and take over the world and still be awesomely cool.

**Cool Things That Your GOOD!CHASE Can Do**

Awesome Fighting Skills: He killed about fifty of those giant rock guys that crushed the current-day Xiaolin Warriors. What does this tell us?

Turning Evil And Taking Over The World: Or you could just save time and order an EVIL!CHASE.

Breaking Space-Time Continuums: If you'll read the FAQ section, he seems to be doing so quite a bit.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: COMPATIBLE. He's one of the people who locked WUYA away, and OMI is forever in awe of them, so I figure...

**KIMIKO**: COMPATIBLE enough to work together, I suppose.

**RAIMUNDO**: COMPATIBLE. RAIMUNDO worked fine with GOOD!CHASE in the Time After Time episodes.

**CLAY**: COMPATIBLE. Again, see the Time After Time episodes.

**DASHI**: COMPATIBLE enough to work together to trap a super-powerful Heylin witch in a little puzzle box. And that's pretty well.

**JACK**: NOT COMPATIBLE unless he becomes EVIL!CHASE, or JACK becomes GOOD!JACK.

**CHASE**: ...I don't really have an answer to this one.

**WUYA**: NOT COMPATIBLE, though she'd look good with any form of CHASE. Or maybe she was once Xiaolin! Then they would be compatible! (See? There's a solution to everything in making uneducated assumptions about cartoon characters!)

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: NOT COMPATIBLE unless he chooses to turn evil.

**FAQ**

Q: "My GOOD!CHASE has been hanging out with HRB and it's freaking me out... what's going on?"

A: GOOD!CHASE is hanging out with HANNIBAL because he feels insecure about himself and is considering becoming evil. Call it a midlife crisis. Make sure he doesn't drink any strange green liquid, or you may replace any strange green liquid he brings home with pea soup so he won't turn evil. (NOTE: Doing this may result in breakage of the time-space continuum. We are not responsible for damages, sadness, or flying cows.)

Q: "When I opened up my GOOD!CHASE, he wasn't wearing his blue robes! Instead he's wearing the armor that CHASE wears... what's up with that?"

A: You've accidentally ordered an EVIL!CHASE by accident. Either that or HRB got him. So you can either go on a voyage through time to attempt to make him un-evil, which will have about the same effect as the last question's solution, or you could just return him and get a new one.

Q: "eh heh well...i caught my good chase with lou mei lon soup (or however it's spelled)and took it away from him,and threw it down the sink. now there's something wrong in the time-space continuem thingy and im being sucked into a black hole as we speak...so...HELP!"

A: Ah, the age-old question: What do you do when reality breaks and everything is sucked into a giant black hole of death, never to be seen again? Luckily, this can be fixed. Just let GOOD!CHASE drink the soup and go unfreeze OMI, who should be in a basement somewhere.

Q: "My GOOD!CHASE is acting a little creepy. He's plotting evil world domination plans with GOOD!JACK and both seem to be a little cruel. What up with them?"

A: ...Have you been to the Ying-Yang World recently? If your GOOD!CHASE is wearing armor and your GOOD!JACK looks goth, you should probably give them the Ying Yo-Yo (or the Yang Yo-Yo, but not both!) so they can change back into their good selves, because they're evil now.

Q: "I don't get GOOD!CHASE and Master Monk Guan. How did they survive for centuries without a soup!"

A: We don't quite know. I think it's because there's an EVIL!CHASE (or EVIL!GUAN) in an alternate dimension and the space-time continuum is being strange. Either that or they're just weird.

Q: "My Good!Chase is trying to push me into the Yin Yang (sp?)world. why? Why I ask you! WHY?"

A: You probably have an EVIL!CHASE. Knock him out very carefully so you don't hurt him (a nice whack on the head with a crowbar should do the trick) and then follow the instructions for the second question.

* * *

**Warranty**:

You can only return GOOD!CHASE if he turns evil, marries WUYA, and burns a small skyscraper while singing "I'm Too Sexy".

Alter-Warranty #1: (Thanks, Klooqy!) This declares that you can only return GOOD!CHASE if he returns VLAD for dating WUYA & KATANPPE, has all his pudding-basin hair burned off by KIMIKO, eats DOJO for protein and gets killed for 'accidentally' stomping on RAIMUNDO's feet.

Alter Warranty #2: (FromIloveRai!) You can only return Good!Chase if he turns evil, kills or turns into cats anyone you can give him to, including the return people, eats the Appalachian mountains, and sings the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny while eating Omi.

(Yay!)

* * *

Blah. I should probably go dance around the house or glare at Wikipedia for dying on me, but I'm too lazy.

Next up is PANDABUBBA.(Not my favorite character. If you all have ANY other ideas for who I should do after the next chapter, please tell me so!) Feel free to review of your own will and save me the trouble of mind-control. (grabs the Magic Guru Crystal Hat Thing Of Doom That Gives The Power Of Mind Control)

-Nikki **♪**


	21. Pandabubba

(looks at story) ...Is it dead? Poke it with a stick!

Ahem. Sorry, inside joke between me and Dezzy, even though she's not actually gonna read or review this... Sorry for being late with the chapter. Again. I had a really good excuse, but I'm not going to use it because I'm weird like that. Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: Do I own Xiaolin Showdown? No I don't! (dances)

* * *

**Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a PANDABUBBA. To be sure that he is a happy evil tycoon that slightly resembles a panda, read these instructions and follow them carefully.**

**Information**

Name: Pandabubba

Element: Stealing money from large companies.

Size: Pretty big.

**Putting Your PANDABUBBA Together**

You should have a large cardboard box.

1) Open the box.

2) PANDABUBBA should be in the box. Be sure he has no henchmen.

3) Offer him Shen Gon Wu or money in exchange for his loyalty.

4) When this doesn't work, take out some Incriminating Evidence (sold separately). Show it to him and tell him you'll show the police if he doesn't bend to your will.

4) He should associate you with OWNER at this point. If he doesn't, sue. (Him, not me.)

**Cool Things That Your New PANDABUBBA Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new PANDABUBBA! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like practicing martial arts. Your PANDABUBBA comes with:

1) Money of various different amounts.

2) Various different suits.

3) The ability to put his hair in pigtails.

**Cool Things That Your PANDABUBBA Can Do**

Investing In Stocks: He had to get rich somehow...

Dealing Illegally With Large Businesses: ...For when the stock market crashes because his corrupt methods broke it.

Being A Politician: He's got the corrupt methods down pat, but he may want to get speech classes.

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE, obviously.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE. He turned her dad into a zombie. I'm guessing that didn't sit well with her...

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE. (Wow, do I sense repetition?)

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE at some point, because they worked together, but they're not the best of friends.

**CHASE**: ...They'd probably have fun scheming the Xiaolin Dragons' downfall. COMPATIBLE.

**WUYA**: COMPATIBLE because they both worked with JACK.

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: COMPATIBLE, I suppose...

**FAQ**

Q: "My PANDABUBBA has been hanging out an awful lot at Tohomiko Electronics... WHY?"

A: Oh, that's nothing to worry about. He's just planning to turn Kimiko's dad into a zombie to bend to his will and then he'll take over the company and overthrow the world. Nothing special.

Q: "My PANDABUBBA has shaved off his trademark "panda ears" hairstyle! WHAT POSSESSED HIM TO DO THAT and WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

A: Oh my marshmallows!! Check to see if he's crazy. If he is, return him. If not, he's just very sick and slightly delirious. The most likely cause is the dreaded disease, OOC. What you need to do in that case is send him to an Author (or Authoress) to get him fixed up properly. If there is no Author(ess) nearby, call 1-800-HELP-ME-MY-CHARACTER-IS-SUFFERING-FROM-OOC immediately.

Q: "My PANDABUBBA is kinda skinny, and keeps talking about giving money to the poor. What's wrong with it?"

A: See the last question. Wow, there's so much OOC going around this season, I don't know what to do with it all!

Q: "My PANDABUBBA has people with dazed, blank looks on their faces catering to his every whim, including Mr. Tohomiko! In other words... ZOMBIES! What's up?"

A: He's successfully turned Kimiko's father and his company into zombies! What an accomplishment! Aren't you proud! (silence) Yeah, neither am I. So if you want to fix it, put Kimiko in a Showdown against him.

Other FAQ

Q: "um... my GOod!Chase is wearing his EVil!Chase armor but he is acting real nice and is still GOod!Chase, may I be the first to say HUH??"

A: I don't know what's going on with your GOOD!CHASE. It may be a case of OOC, or maybe he thinks he looks better in the evil armor. You sure he's not evil? (shrug)

Q: "Hmm...so if GOOD!CHASE marries Wuya WITHOUT turning evil, and then burns the small skyscraper while singing a ridiculous song, I can't return him?!"

A: I didn't think he and WUYA would get married without one of them turning to the other side, but if it's possible, then sure you can return him! But what if they were married back when she was (potentially) GOOD!WUYA?! Then it would all make sense! Yay! (skips around)

**Warranty**:

You can only return PANDABUBBA if he gives all his money away, dies, and catches a horrible case of OOC.

Alter-Warranty #1: (From funnycat367!) You can only return Pandabubba if he gives all the money he stole to charity, so you might want to find a different warranty or travel to the Yin Yang World.

Alter-Warranty #2: (From PrinceAladdin2!) Warranty: You can only return PANDABUBBA if he returns everything he ever stole, marrys GHOST WUYA, kills JACK, and sings "All the Things She Said" by T.a.t.U while eating OMI, CLAY, RAIMUNDO, and KIMIKO.

Alter-Warranty #3: (From BatTitan!) You can only return PANDABUBBA if he cuts off his nose and turns somersaults while poking random people's eyes out and singing the Pokemon theme song.

(Yay!)

* * *

Argh, now I have Happy Happy Joy Joy stuck in my head and it's not coming out. Grr...

By the way, next up is LE MIME, because he'll be really fun to make fun o- I mean, um, make a guide for. (shifty eyes) Thank you all for reviews and suggestions and warranties and questions. I'd write an ode for you all or something, but I'm tired because I just wrote all of this in one sitting. (collapses)

-Nikki


	22. Le Mime

I haven't been busy, I've had nothing to do for the past few weeks, and this chapter was relatively easy to write. I'm just a lazy bum. No excuses for me.

Plus I'm leaving on vacation for a week today. Wohoo!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own XLS. If I did, that would be AWESOME, but I don't.

**

* * *

**

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a LE MIME. To be sure that he is a happy freakish mime with mental issues, read these instructions and follow them carefully.

**Information**

Name: Le Mime

Element: Being a freaky mime-thing with white makeup who doesn't talk at all.

Size: Tall, thin, and freaky.

**Putting Your LE MIME Together**

You should have an imaginary box. It should be no problem opening it.

1) Imagine a handle on the box, and open it.

2) LE MIME should emerge. Wipe off all of his face paint.

3) Hide his face paint away, so he looks non-mime-ish.

4) Don't give it back until he sees you as his OWNER. (And maybe not even then. It makes him less creepy-mime-ish...)

**Cool Things That Your New LE MIME Comes With**

You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new LE MIME! He comes with a few things to keep him occupied when you don't feel like watching him trap people in boxes that aren't there in the first place. Your LE MIME comes with:

1) Facepaint and makeup. (Black and white.)

2) Black and white clothing.

3) The ability to trap people in imaginary boxes that don't really exist.

**Cool Things That Your LE MIME Can Do**

Trapping People In Boxes: Try getting him to trap RAIMUNDO and KIMIKO in there at the same time when they're mad at one another! It's fun... (Note: We are not responsible for any damage to RAIMUNDO, KIMIKO, or anyone within a 100-mile radius as a result of this advice.)

Trapping People In Invisible Ropes: ...For when the box doesn't work.

Scaring Small Children: "Mommy, why's that man wearing makeup and waving his arms in the air?" "Nevermind, honey, just move along and don't make eye contact..."

**Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS**

**OMI**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They're on different teams.

**KIMIKO**: NOT COMPATIBLE, again.

**RAIMUNDO**: NOT COMPATIBLE.

**CLAY**: NOT COMPATIBLE. (Wow, do I sense repetition?)

**DASHI**: NOT COMPATIBLE. They've never even met...

**JACK**: COMPATIBLE. They worked together early on in the series.

**CHASE**: COMPATIBLE, I suppose, since they're both evil. (I personally think CHASE is slightly creeped out by mimes, though.)

**WUYA**: COMPATIBLE on a certian level because they both worked with JACK. (She'll at least tolerate him.)

**HANNIBAL BEAN**: COMPATIBLE, I suppose...

**FAQ**

Q: "My LE MIME was running around putting people in boxes, but then got caught by the cops. Since he's a mime... Are they suppose to tell him 'he has the right to remain silent'?"

A: Yeah, they are. It's required by law. (nods as if she knows this)

Q: "My LE MIME has... dare I say it... talked! What do I do?!"

A: It's my observation that this is an early sign of mild OOC. If he continues to talk, or gives up miming, you may want to ask your Author or Authoress for more information about this medical condition. (On the other hand, him giving up miming wouldn't be such a bad thing. He'd scare less children that way...)

Q: "Um...my LE MIME is talking...and he sounds like a little girl...and he isn't miming anything anymore. Is he sick? If so, how must I cure him?"

A: Ok, if you truly suspect that this is a normal sickness, ask your LE MIME if he's sick. If he assures you he's fine, but keeps up this weird behavior, you may want to check in with your local Author or Authoress and see if this is a case of OOC. There's a lot of it going around lately, you know.

Q: "My LE MIME can't seem to trap people in boxes and do all those cool things he's supposed to do... WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?"

A: This is a likely a side effect of the OOC sickness that's going around. If he's recently had the disease, just wait for him to get better. He should, soon, once his character and motivation are back to their full potential. (If it's not fixed within a year, there's probably something wrong with the medicine we gave you. Oops!)

* * *

**Warranty**:

You can only return Le Mime if you feed him our medicine and he gets a giant purple rash, stops wearing his makeup, jumps off a cliff, gets attacked by rabid fangirls, and dies.

Alter-Warranty #1: (From Aria Pedrosa!) Warranty (Le Mime): You can only return LE MIME if he accidentally kills JACK by shooting almonds out of his nose at rapid speed while dancing the chicken dance. And if you want a refund (yeah, right) he needs to embed an almond in Jack's left big toe. Otherwise it doesn't count.

Alter-Warranty #2: (From IndigoCrayon!) You can only return Le Mime if he eats a bicycle pump, turns OMI into bag of peanuts, beheads Kimiko with an invisible axe and forms an conspiratorial alliance with Ninja Fred the teddy bear in order to destroy the tellitubbies for ever!

Alter-Warranty #3: (From PrinceAladdin2!) Warranty: You can only return LE MIME if shaves himself bald, jumps of a cliff, somehow surrives, eats ambrosia and becomes almost immortal, talks, continues talking for hours about what a lame jerk he is and how cool CHASE is, refuses to admit he said that when he finnishes, calls CHASE ugly and WUYA a freak, and is stomped to death by a hord of angry CHASE/WUYA fangirls.

Alter-Warranty #4: (From RaiKim4never!) You can only return Le Mime if he eats the worlds largest ball of paper, talks, and dies inside a box he made because he doesn't know the loophole.

(Yay!)

* * *

I don't have Happy Happy Joy Joy stuck in my head today. No, instead I have the Total Drama Island theme song. Why do I like that show so much? (head-desk)

By the way, next up is EVIL!RAIMUNDO, because lots and lots of people are rabid Raimundo fangir- I mean, they like him and would like another chapter for Rai. I'm only doing this because you guys are all so awesome, okay?

Again, thank you all for reviews and suggestions and warranties and questions and stuff. (WAY too much OOC going around, knock on wood! I shouldn't even mention it this close to the review button...) See you all later!

-Nikki


End file.
